Drunk Dialing

Paula - congratulations on the arrival of the twins! Michael must be thrilled over the cute little tax deductions that they are. THANK YOU so much for my drunken Happy New Year call!!! I do not care where you are or where I am - if you ever try to let a New Year's Eve go by without getting tanking on White Russians and not calling me to lavish me with love -- I will hunt you down! Have fun - happy new year - I love you more than I could ever express in person or on this silly blog. White Russians or not - you are one of the most endearing persons I have ever known. KEEP CALLING!!!!

In No Particular Order

2009 Resolutions:

1. Do not contact any ex in any way, shape, form or manner.
2. Go to the gym or get exercise at minimum of 3 times weekly, regardless of what else is happening that week.
3. Get healthy – eat fruits and vegetables on a daily basis and this smoking thing has got to stop.
4. Practice Spanish daily – even if it is for 10 minutes a day and try to speak Spanish as often as possible for the practice.
5. Do not buy any tickets to any concerts that you cannot pay for in cash.
6. Pay off your credit cards.
7. Do not go shopping because you are bored.
8. Do not go out drinking more than twice a month.
9. Do not give into to other’s opinions of you! If I am too fat, too old, too mundane, too silly, too stupid, too frivolous, or too anything for you then FUCK YOU.
10. Focus on positive things – real friends, family, productive ways to spend your energy, feed your mind, improve your body, and see the difference.
11. Give up revenge – it is stupid and a waste of precious energy. Living well is the best revenge - albeit it easier said than done.
12. Dwell on what you have not what others have.
13. Keep a clean house and toss out shit. No need to keep old magazines and mail and stupid shit. A clean and neat house is a clean and neat life.
14. Be honest – most importantly with yourself!
15. Live your life – fuck them.

16. Remember to be passionate and forgiving toward yourself everyday.

Key: Post Regular updates on the status of these. Modify as need be. Repeat as often as you can. Keep them visible at all times.

Editors Note: Thank you Joseph for your input on number 16. Especially since it merely echoes the advise both Michelle and Michael have given me separately, "Don't be so hard on yourself".

Lucky Me

Why do I get to be Satan? Fuck that. Fuck all of this. I can go on and post some self pity posting but really what is the use. I am done with that shit and all of this shit as a matter of fact. Everyone is out for their own and because I am too fucking stupid to get that basic idea then I have to deal with the shit. Whatever. I am mad and I am annoyed. It is time for a new year and I am not one for resolutions but am making a list this time round. I am gonna write it down and tape it up on my fridge. I am going to repeat it nightly to myself if I have to. A leopard doesn't it change it spots - that is so clear and evident - but it does not mean it has to eat shit.

Happiness

The kids are great. It was wonderful to see them at Christmas time. I know I am the crazy uncle but they just love me to pieces. How much do I love that. The tell me about their games and schools and all sorts off silly stuff that is the most important stuff in the world. I especially see it with Dianne's kids. My family is not warm and touchy and it is so hard for them to express tenderness. Hell it took me a lifetime and I still got a ways to go. But they hug me and sit on top of me - they love that I am silly like no other adult and speak to them like people and not kids. Cindy's kids too - very much so although they are much warmer in general. But I also ways feel so special with them and we have so many laughs. They love me completely and it makes me happy.

You Have to See

During my Christmas visit I saw Slumdog Millionaire with Dianne and Ted. I was glad because they do not get out very often but moreover I was glad because it was such a great movie. It was clever and brilliant and without a doubt moving and touching. I see firsthand in Mexico how Americans are spoiled and that the world - even right next door - is vastly different. It was a bit harrowing at times but enlightening just the same. Read what reviews you want but it is really just a love story. It is the kinda of movie love that at times seems hardly possible to exist in the real world but I truly believe it does. It is elusive and something to work at and although I do not believe it comes to everyone, I still believe it is possible to find. Love can be that true. Love can be that powerful. But like many other wonderful things it does not mean it is easy. That is the part Americans have trouble with. Sometimes things are not easy and we are owed nothing - even if we work very, very hard. But in the end there is no denying the beauty or power of this movie. Treat yourself, see the world, see this movie.

It was Just a Toy Truck

I was a bit annoyed yesterday and so that elicits one or more of these three things: I shop, I eat or I clean. Luckily yesterday I cleaned and so today I had some stuff to donate Goodwill. I cannot make a deposit without making a withdrawal too so I was poking about the store. I am crazy in that I think life is a giant 3D tv for my sole enjoyment and I like to watch. I saw a handsome young Mexican man and his pretty wife and adorable infant. I made note of it because it pleased me to see such a nice little family. I watched as they went over and over a tonka type truck for little, little kids. The dad's eyes were excited but the mom's were not so keen. Looking to maximize their shopping they stayed with the little outfits and shoes they sorted out of the heaps of stuff in the store.

I got stuck as I tend to do and just kept looking. They walked up to the register and all was very average until I thought that it is only 3 days to Christmas, this is killing me. I walked over and picked up the truck and brought it to the family as they were checking out. I gave it to the cashier to ring with their stuff and then handed the cashier a twenty. I said to the young dad in Spanish, "Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family." I don't know, it just all happened so fast. He started to say thanks but I put up my hand as his eyes said more thanks than he could ever express in words. And I said in English, "Merry Christmas".

Where Do I Get One of These???

In case any of you are stuck on what to get me for Christmas - here is a pic of what I need. I have looked everywhere for one and cannot find one. I have the perfect spot for it in my house and I would be eternally grateful!

What Am I Supposed to do With That?

I get a Christmas card from Jose and it says the he will always remember me like a friend. What the fuck??? This world is so retarded, I swear. You just have to laugh. I really don't get people at all -and least of all boyfriends. However it is Christmas time and I don't care. I am looking forward to having fun with my family over the holiday and hope to get to see a bunch of you too. So I shredded the card and deleted his number. I am getting so very good at this letting go thing, especially when it has nothing to do with me. Oh well it can looked at as an early Christmas present for the recyling company.

My Favorite Carol

There are a million versions of O Holy Night out there and I just love it. Religious or not there is no denying the amazing beauty and pagentry of this song. This may not be the best vidoe recording but how cute is David A - plus he can truly sing. But what I especially love is that he sings more than just the first verse in the most sparce style that lets the passion of the song soar. I am feeling very Christmasy.

PS The links to stuff are being crazy so his is a link to click on and enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d6hHb8-cA0

Michelle Said Not to Go There

I had a kinda mellow weekend in NYC and that was good. I was a bit sad cuz of the whole Jose thing - not heartbroken, just disappointed but made the best of it. Found the perfect present for mr Rick as the Swatch store was having a 40% off sale -- ok ok I got me a present there too. There were millions of people in the city. I swear at points I felt like I was swimming not walking. You know when you swim and expend energy but it is still the current that is moving you along not your own power - it was exactly like that - it felt good - I felt light - I felt nearly invisible. Equus was good too - the staging was brilliant and although DRad was a bit over the top - the intense repressed psycho-sexual-religious coming of age drama combined with a mid-life crisis story has always been too mesmerizing for me to ignore.

Most fun I had was hanging with Michelle and her beautiful family. Cara Mia slays me. The whole first day she called me Jeff but I got over that as on day 2 and 3 she said my name more than I have ever heard in my entire lifetime thus far --- she is a peach. A beautiful child that is being raised in a loving home. Made me feel very Christmasy to be around them.

Finally there is a scary dive of a gay bar near the subway in Michelle's neighborhood. I of course was fascinated and begged a bit but Michelle opted not to go. Don't blame her as she has two full time jobs -- one as a book buyer and the other as a parent. Michelle has her hands pleasantly full. Plus she said all the neighborhood derelicts hang there - which of course only intrigued me more, so I went on in flying solo (Hey Matt - where is a good wingman when I need one? lol). A tad bit rougher than I am used to - even on TJ terms - and I am sure there was more than just alcohol for sale there but it all seemed harmless enough and I had a couple. Pictured above is Carlos - I must admit of all the intriguing things about this tough little haunt, he kept it the most interesting.

Outsourcing is Outta Control

OMG they have even outsourced making poo poo to the Patels!

No wonder our economy is in the crapper.

NYC Scenes

Worship Me Bitches!

My favorite store, even with the clowns. All the shiny, tacky nic naks you could ever want in one lifetime! Plus I can remember this store being on central park south as far back as to when I was 16.

Dude its Christmas time - you are working that towel but where is your jacket?

Life Can Be Good

I took this picture while I was at the beach the weekend after Thanksgiving.

I made it into a postcard for you all to enjoy.

Wish you were here!

Potter Peen

Since I will be in NYC alone - other than the time I will have with Michelle and her family (which I am greatly looking forward to) - I decided to splurge. I am going to see Equus on Broadway with Daniel Radcliffe and have 8th row center seats. It is a heavy and dark play - not quite Christmastime fare - but I could not resist. As I said in previous posts - he is 18 now so I am not a perv - lol.

Flying Solo

Tomorrow I leave for NYC and am excited still although I am going alone because Jose is no more. He had a lot of personal problems to sort out and I unsderstood that and did not add to his problems but he still pushed me away. His concerns were legit - like problems with his family in Mexico, his family here, his job, his car, etc. I was not looking for much time at all but he said he had too much stress and no time at all. I am sad that he pushed me away but everyone deals with things differently. To me if there is a lot of crap going on then I hold the good stuff even dearer to me. However he is not me so I told him that made me sad but he needs to do what he has to do and he has my number. I was surprised but life continues on and now I am off to NYC to enjoy myself nonetheless. I don't mean to be cavalier about it as I was thrilled at how well it started off but however one hard lesson I have learned in this world is that sadness of a let down is much easier to take than the frustration of trying to make something work when you are the only one putting in effort.

December 1rst SD - December 2nd Boston

Well I am off to Boston in a few minutes. Will be there for the week for work. Ugh - work has been very difficult lately - but everything is. The ex won't sign the needed paperwork to change our joint account back to just being mine. Yes should have been ages ago and now he says no. How dumb is he. I am asking him to sign this so he will not be responsible for my actions and he will not. He so lives up to the saying "Spite your nose to get at your face". So stupid.

Jose is having a lot of problems and shutting me out. It has made me sad. He says it is nothing to do with me but is still pushing me away. It hurts but at least he called me to say so and did not just disappear. We will see what will happen. In the meantime I had a lost weekend - a lot of booze, men and TV -- 3 universal vices.

I am good though - everything is topsy turvey all around but I am used to the ride.

Please, Please god do not let it be snowing in Boston - I was at the freaking beach on Saturday - it will shock my system.

Happy Thanksgiving

I Tried Really Hard

I kept getting special after special for these concert tickets. When it got down to 15 bucks (with the service fee!) and Michelle pointing out that amount is only 3 bucks a kid --- I caved. The show is tonight and I am already speechless. Goodness!

Thank You

Rick fixed my computer - now I can blog again with a vengence and catch up on Ugly Betty - yay! Oh crap does that mean I have to start doing interesting stuff again? Oh the pressure.

Pancho

Ok so Pancho had a girlfriend but he spoke English really well and was cuter than this picture reveals. I told Debbie I could vacate the room for a couple hours and it would not mean she would have to marry him or anything - lol. She is a much better good girl than me. We had fun.

Explosion

How awesome is this picture. Debbie took it in Mexico and I just love it. It is an explosion of excitement. Of course what other better way is there to describe Mexico.

Been There Done That

So I really don't like Katy much at all - she is actually too gimicky for me if you can believe that! However I must say I LOVE this song for two reasons --- it is soaked through and through in 80's retro plus I lived through it. :)

Nice Getaway

A while ago Debbie made plans to come to visit with me and asked if we could go to Mexico. I found a nice looking place on the internet and asked around because the price seemed too good to be true but everyone said it was fantastic - and it was. It is the slow season but the Santa Ana's brought some very warm weather that made this mini getaway perfect. We were in Rosarito, the place was very clean, quite and yet terrific. Here are some pics I took and I will be posting more. I think having Jesus overlooking the resort make it just that more special.

Pimp My Ride

Well I am still trying to work a negative into a positive and so I ended up with this car. It is the same type as I had but it is newer with 70 thousand less miles and bunches of nice stuff. It has leather seats, a sun roof, mag wheels, tinted windows, a 6 cd changer and fog lights. Pretty cool although it comes with a small monthly payment and some lingering problems with the DMV that I am working on. I am also thinking why did someone pimp out an Ion but I am glad they did.

Message from Michelle

A while back I came across some names and numbers that put me into a dilemma. I called Michele and asked her to talk me out of it and so she left one of my favorite voicemails ever. I was cleaning out my voicemail and that is the only reason it is fresh in my mind now. I so wish I could actually post the voicemail itself because although it is very good advice, it is how she delivers it that really knocks the message outta the park! A part of me is very happy because although the truth is still there in the words, I no longer need to hear them quite as drastically as I did before. However I do still have the message saved and am now acheiving it on my blog. I'm sure I will still not need the message in the future as I did once in the past and I am happier now for what she did more than what she said. Thank you Michelle!

It's Michelle.
Don't do it. It's a Pandora's box.
Take that piece of paper and burn it.
Never look back.
You don't need to do this.
It is not mature,
AND
Nothing you do will ever be as bad as what the ex will eventually do to himself.
I love you.
Bye.

Techincal Difficulties

OMG -- So I have not given up on my blog but I am having problems with my home computer and I cannot up load anything on my work computer - ugh. I will be back soon!

UPDATE: At least I solved the problem on my work computer now I just have to resolve the issue on my home computer - yay.

Go Vote!

So I am going to vote in the neighbor's garage today because that is just how freaking weird CA is. I hope it is some old maymay's house and she has brownies for me. Later tonight my buddy Rick and I are going to Petco Park in San Diego to see Madonna live. This historic election day and I am going to remember it by the Madonna concert I went to. How gay am I?

Venting

So I had no plans for Halloween and was ok with that. I go out a lot and can have crazy fun anytime so do need the extra crowds and stuff. I love Halloween but it seems like a lot of pressure. It is kinda like only saying I love you on St Valentine's Day which would make no sense. But I am feeling pressure like I should have some crazy plans tonight.

I am exhausted from the week and tried to talk to Jose on the phone tonight. I got frustrated and was like "fuck Spanish -I am too tired for this shit". I only got frustrated because I really wanted to talk but sometimes hate the effort. So lazy of me because you need effort to obtain the things you want. Now I am all annoyed and twisted and grumpy with myself. So many very positive things about Jose but this language thing just killed me tonight. I am only venting and it would have been better if I was not so tired. He tries English too but it is as difficult as Spanish for me. Usually we just talk and talk but tonight we couldn't.

I am gonna go practice with my Rosetta Stone program now and continue learning Spanish. I am a nutcase. Tomorrow is a another day.

Happy Halloween!!!

Hope everyone has a fun Halloween with some fun tricks and heaps of treats.

Smoking Turns More than Just Your Lungs Black

OMG - how weird is the world today.

Christmas Time in New York City

Jose and I are going to go to NYC in December. I am very excited. NYC at Christmas time is just amazing. Man all the trips there and it was always the best at that time of year. It will be fantastic to see Michelle and her family. I hope I get a chance to see Matt too. I am nervous of course - I always am such a worry wart. I hope it is not too cold and I hope there is not too much snow (none would be fine with me). It is a far way to travel from San Diego and Jose has never been that far before. It is very expensive and I need to watch my money but my heaps of points turned it into a very, very reasonable trip. It will be a blast, I know it. I am excited but that excitement is mixed with nerves too. Wow, not quite Halloween yet and I am chomping at the bit now for Christmas.

What a Laugh

This movie was so funny - I could not stop laughing. I assumed it would be humorous but I literally was laughing out loud. It was like slap stick comedy with a bit of intelligence. Totally predictable and yet delivered the laughs as I wanted so I loved it. I am still chuckling over it. You have to watch it if you want to just have a fun hour and a half plus.

Domir means To Sleep

Jose is really nice! I am always nervous about the language barrier but kinda like that fact that we can't take communication for granted. It is not like we don't talk - yadda yadda yadda, both of us but we just have to stay conscious of making sure the other one understands. I have met his sisters Lilia and Guadalupe, nieces Lily and Mireli, and best friend Blanca and her family. Everyone has been very welcoming to me and exceptionally kind - especially Jose. He gives me little presents like a get well angel and a crystal heart - he is so sweet. He is not complicated and it is so refreshing. Don't get me wrong - he is smart and has his share of problems but they are not all encompassing or wrapped around us. We have had plenty of adventures but I must admit I forgot how nice it is to sleep with someone - not sex, I mean sleep. To go to sleep next to someone that you enjoy a lot and normally are thinking of first thing in the morning and there he is in person. That is one of life's joys.

Again

I posted this video ages ago but I just had to post it again. All the problems I had lately - this song provides such needed relief. When it comes on in any place everyone just goes wild - there are no problems for just a few moments. It is not just the music but what it says. Here is a translation - not exact but the best I could find.

The people drew me
I point the finger
Whisper behind my back
And I give a shit

That gives me more
If I am different from them
I am not anyone's
I have no owner

I know that I criticize
I know that hate me
The jealousy eats them
My life haunts them

Why will
I have no fault
My circumstances have insulted
My destiny is what I decide
The one I chose for me

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Maybe the fault is mine
By failing to follow standard
It's too late
To change now
I stand firm in my convictions
I positions reinforced
My destiny is what I decide
The fact that I choose for me

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Everyday

I know that I usually post about going out and this craziness or that craziness and although I do have a lot of fun I just wanted to let people know that most the time it is just me hanging out alone. I don't usually write about that stuff because it does not seem exciting but you know it does not have to be exciting - everyday is not a party. A lot of nights I watch tv - my favorites are Ugly Betty and the Big Bang Theory (that show makes me literally laugh out loud!). I belong to netflicks and so see a bunch of indie movies that I get from there. Sometimes I surf the web and read other people's blogs. A lot of times I read my blog - like I wasn't the one who wrote it. I work on mail and send it to the kids since it is really important to me to keep in touch with them. I burn cd's so I can jam in the car or send them off to friends for them to dance along with me. I volunteer and give my walking tours to the tourists in the Gaslamp District. Sometimes I sit on the deck and and read under the stars because the nights are so beautiful and there are no mosquitos. I am always exploring - checking out this little store I saw or drving up this road that I go by all the time but do not know where it goes. So life is not always a party, nor is it always fun but I enjoy myself. This is the first time in my life I have ever lived alone and I like it. Sure sometimes I get lonely but most times I am content. I like who I am, where I am and what I have accomplished. I am very lucky and blessed to have the things in my life that I have but moreover by the people that I have in my life.

The Freaking Hill

So I have a rental car now but not sure for how much longer. My car is totalled and I have been looking at new cars but am not sure when I will settle on the right one. Hopefully soon but I may be without a car again. The only part of that which sucks is the driveway is such a steep hill! Here is a picture for those of you who have not seen it in person. It is way too steep to ride my bike down and definitely to steep to ride my bike up it. When I walk up it, at one point although I am standing up straight, I am looking down at the ground. I just keep telling myself what good exercise it is. Man I bet if I walked up and down this hill everyday that I lived here so far, then I would be such a skinny mini!

The Love Affair Continues

As if I did not have enough reasons to still love Molly Ringwald after all these years - now she has gone and done this. Prop 8 is the question on the ballot to ban gay marriage in CA. And although I have lived in the two states in the union where gays can legally marry and yet I have never been married ---- well that could change one day and so I really appreciate Molly's help!

Scenes of Escondido

Hopefully next week I will have my rental car squared away but until them I am glad I have a bicycle and live in sunny, warm SoCal. I was supposed to go to Mexico this weekend with Jose to celebrate his sister's birthday but did not think it was a good idea as I need to watch money. I told him to go still so I was out and about doing errands on my bike. Of course I met many interesting people all over in my travels as well as took some pics in my lovely hometown. Escondido has a transit center so if I want or need to get into SD it is very easy. Also all the stuff I need on a regular basis is here like stores, banks, DMV, restaurants, movies, barber, etc so that is great. I love riding my bike so am a bit disappointed in myself that it took such a drastic happening to get me back into it, but I am glad I am. You get a different view on your bike and I like what I see. Especially the wild hibiscus all over the place.

Trouble

Last Thursday I was driving on Park Blvd in San Diego when someone tried to pull onto the road without being able to see. He pulled out right in front of me and smash - you can see the results to my car above. No one got hurt so that is the good news but it does get worse from there. It seems I was unaware that my car insurance lapsed as well as I do not have a CA license. My insurance is through AAA and they sent me a notice to renew my AAA card but because I did not they did not renew my insurance. Stupid I know but at least it makes sense that I would overlook renewing my AAA card instead of my insurance.

I got my insurance squared away and luckily he is at fault. Monday I will get my license taken care of but I still will have to go to court about all this. Not to mention because of the age of my car and the mileage I am sure it will be totaled. I am not really in the position to take on a car payment or put up a down payment but I will figure it out.

In addition to not being hurt at least the forced exercise by needing to ride my bike is doing me good and also this is a good wake up call that I need to get serious about my finances - especially with big changes looming on the job front. I will figure it all out. I might have to ask my brother for help which I have never done but am sure he will if he can. As well as I can just pay the carpoolers to ride with them so I will have a way to get to work.

Jenn, James, Jay, John, Mike, Paul and Darren

If it seems that all I do is go out and have craziness, you have to remember I don't usually post - laid on the couch last night and watch movies all night, although I do that frequently. That being said what a crazy fun night I had last Friday. I recently made a new friend in Jenn - she is 42 and lives a couple towns over and she responded to an ad I placed looking for someone to go to a concert when I had a last minute cancel. She is nuts which is good but it is also bad as I am so easily lead into craziness. She is really sweet though.

We got tickets to go see James at the House of Blues and just like when I saw them in Boston with Michelle, I was curious but not dying and then the show was just mind blowing amazing. So much fun! I can't believe they are not bigger then they are and I just danced with Jenn like a madman the whole time.

I do not want to make a forever post so here is my best attempt at a summary laundry list of characters we ran into that night.

Jay: 32, very tall and super nice sideburns. Jenn spots him at the concert and asks me, "Gay or straight?". To which I promptly replied, "Gay". She then goes up to him and says, "Are you gay or straight". He says "Straight" although is definitely caught off guard by the question. Jenn follows up with, "Oh cause we were trying to decide and my friend thinks gay". I spit my drink out. Told you she is crazy. He was fun and funny and even said to her later, "What can I do to prove I am straight?" but then he disappeared. I am sticking with gay.

John: 48, married and father of 3. He was blown away at how great James was. Seems he is way into music, lives in near by Encinitas, could tell how much I was enjoying the show and is totally looking for a concert going partner. Met his wife later as she was in the lounge watching the show from there. Totally seems like he would be cool to hang with and to widen my circle. Next day he sent me a great pic of the show and a text that said "At cub scouts with son but look forward to going to check out more great shows with you". I replied, "Me too - definitely" although was thinking, "Cub scouts?".

Mike: 33, latino, from Houston, ex-marine and total hottie. Jenn and I were eating Mexican after the show and people watching in the Gaslamp District. Mike was at the bar all alone. We - actually I - sent him a shot of tequila. He drank it right down then came over to us. He said he was trying to figure out our deal all night because both Jenn and I were checking him out. LOL sooo funny. We joined him at the bar and laughed a lot. It ended with both Jenn and I getting to feel what he described as the "smile maker" - I could not make that shit up but it did make us smile. She got his number - I got us outta there.

Paul - random hot gay guy from Chicago who chatted me up while outside of the Mexican restaurant. He was brand new to town on business and trying to figure the city out. I gave him the low down - headed him in the right direction but before I did so we danced out on the street to "Baila Mi Corazon" by Belanova. He wanted me to go with him but I said nah. He was nice but Jose is nicer and although El Cajon is a bit of a ways away - it is closer than Chicago.

Darren - 34 year old depressed, handsome guy that looked a lot like Montgomery Clift only with blond hair and blue eyes. He came to Gaslamp to have fun but some girls were mean to him. Jenn's question of the night, "Are you gay of straight?" depressed him more. We cheered him right up after that though. We had him laughing and being silly and feeling better in no time. He told us that we were better than his therapist. Jenn was really digging his scene and he lives in San Marcos which is close to her. They are gonna go to Vegas for a long weekend. I am going to pass.

Crystal Clear as Mud

Well nothing official yet but the writing is crystal clear - my company is going to consolidate Customer Service into one location - most likely in MA. Of course this won't happen next month but quite possibly later next year. I have been told so and also know there will be a spot there for me but I don't know what I am going to do in the long run. In the short run I am going to create as many options as possible. At this point I don't want to go back. SoCal is my home and I love it. Not much else to write on this topic but I will surely keep you posted as I work through it.

That's Me

Although you think I cope,
my head is filled with hope...
of some place other than here.

Although you think I smile,
inside all the while...
I'm wondering about my destiny.

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life.

I'm a dreamer,
a distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope, from today.

Even when you see me frown,
my heart won't let me down,
because I know there's better things to come (Woah Yeah).

And when life gets tough,
I feel I've had enough,
I hold on to a distant star,

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life...

I'm a dreamer,
A distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today.

I'm a dreamer,
A distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today.

Yeah, I'm a dreamer

Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...

I'm a dreamer,
a distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today,

Yeah i'm a dreamer...

Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...

I'm a dreamer.

It Really Has

Tonight Jose came over to my house. He surprised me with candles and a very sweet get well gift. I have had cold symptoms that were just not getting better so I went to the doctor on Friday and got some high powered anitobiotic. What a super night! Dinner in downtown Esondido. Drinks on my deck under a star packed sky. So romantic and comfortable and yet effortless. Then we watched this movie. It is from Spain and is a sweet comedy of a bunch of people and how their lives inter-twined one crazy, hot day in Madrid. It is all about happenstance with a bit of destiny thrown in. Very enjoyable and so fitting considering I met Jose exactly one month ago today. I did not think my smile could get any bigger, but it has.

My Favorite Part of a Guy

What is your favorite part?

Frozen Custard

While in St Louis I got to have for the second time in my life frozen custard. It is an ice cream like treat but I am not really sure what it is since if it was just ice cream wouldn't they just call it that? I went to Silky's Custard who happen to have the "World's Smoothest" custard - oh lucky me. You only get to choose between vanilla and chocolate and then they mix things into it. I got vanilla and reese's cups in a form called "concrete". For those of you looking for a more exciting post, I am sorry to disappoint but this is as exciting as St Louis got for me. Although it was very yummy.

I Tried

Wow St Louis was such a defeat! I could not win in the city. Tried my best to have fun, although I was there on work, but no such luck. GPS did not work for shit there. I tried to go to one place and it was closed for the night. I tried to go to another place and it was closed permanently. Man I even tried the porn store and they only had straight porn - OMG. Not a good trip but the I did get to go to a Sonic, the QT had an awesome pig-in-a-blanket and I had frozen custard (story to follow). Bad trip I was bored and ate junk food the whole week. I did at least look in the window at the gym in the hotel. I need to get back on the wagon.