Waking Up Craziness

Tough night last night in the sleep department. As I have said before, I rarely dream or at least remember them anyway. Lately when I do dream it is a nightmare that wakes me up and so of course I remember those. Last night I had a nightmare and in it my mother was giving away lottery scratch tickets. I did not win anything on mine but my cousin, who I do not like very much, won $50,000 and my middle sister won $30,000. I am not sure that is a nightmare but I woke up crying. It was like 6am and not only was I crying my my heart was racing - it was very strange. I could feel my chest pounding from my heart and then I took my pulse and it was normal. I seriously wondered - Am I dead? I laid back down and took slow easy breaths and fell back asleep.

I woke up again at 9am and my right eye was killing me. It was red, teary and swollen. I tried to wash it out but the pain remained. I tried most of the morning not to think of it but it continued. Around noon I was worried because what if it was pink eye - I had it once before like 4 years ago. If it was pink eye and I did nothing about it today then I would not be able to see anyone until Monday. No money - no insurance - I never have trouble with my eyes, I was freaked out.

I called an opthamologist here in town and made an appointment for 3:30 - figuring if it got better on its own then I could just cancel. It did not get better. It cost $110, which I don't have, but I am glad I went. He did a full and complete exam. I have not had an eye exam in years. Luckily I do not have pink eye but he thinks when I went back to sleep my eyes were not completely closed and so they got dry and my eye lid stuck to my lens and when I opened my eyes again I tore away some of the cells - kinda like scraping your knee. He had samples so was able to give me medicated eye drops for free that will assist with it getting better quickly.

He also said that considering my age my vision was excellent. He acknowledged that I will need glasses at some point but that my vision was an A-. He advised that since we all end up at roughly the same place vision wise - do not be concerned if I have fine vision for a while longer but then when it goes declines quickly. He also told me that I was lucky as very few people have the same color eyes as me and he could see as he worked on them that they change color. He called it some scientific name and said although people think it common, it is actually rare. Odd but I thanked him. When my sight gets to the point where I need glasses, I will definitely go back to him - if I still live here.

What a bunch of fucking craziness. I swear even I cannot believe my threshold with all this insanity increasing regularly. I have been procrastinating the rest of the day going to the gym - I have been horrendous at going to the gym this week and am already dreading next Monday. But it is open 24 hours so once this is posted, I am forcing myself to go. I have to. Brightside: I have been learning photoshop. The picture on this blog I took of a mural downtown and I manipulated it so that it is completely different in color, sharpness and texture. Not too advanced but I think it came out well and I am going to keep teaching myself more as know that I have the power to create positive things.