Holding

Thank you for all your support.  I may not have heard from anyone at all from my last job after my sudden change but I did hear lots for you and that means the world to me.  True support from real friends!  But it also waters the seeds of "what I am I doing in California"?  I will have a small bit of time to ruminate on that as I have to solve some financial things which puts me into a holding pattern for a bit.  I also still have to tell my mother.  My parents were in FL and drove there so I did not want to spoil their vacation or have that weigh on their minds for the long drive home.  The should be home on Tuesday.  I am a little embarrassed and feeling like a failure that I cannot get myself steady but I do not beat myself up over it.  My biggest concern is that my mother worries so much.  She know inside I am cast iron.  She has seen it but she still worries and that upsets me.  I am the "good boy"  or at least always wanted to be and strive to be.  But I will talk to her soon.  So I am down but not out.  This is a big curve ball and I feel like I was kicked into the gutter and am not 100% sure why --- HOWEVER there are good things about the gutter.  Things seem more real here, I perform better under stress and the only view is spectacular as it is up and littered with stars.