Shit My Pants

Hey there. I am doing my absolute best and I want to stay bright and sunny but truthfully it is hard to do so when I am a nervous wreck. Plus honestly here are the 3 things I do: job search; exercise, and worry. It does not give me much to speak about. I have never been a person that regularly dreams when I sleep at night but lately I have nightmares - ones that wake me from my sleep. The other night I had a nightmare and it woke me up and I had to go and throw up. I try so hard to count my blessings. I know how much my family and friends love me. I have a disaster plan in place. I have a timeline. I know in worse case scenario I have to pull that rip cord. I am doing what I need to do but it is really getting difficult. I am not being dramatic or nutty. I just am doing my best to cope and get through this. I can only imagine if I had kids or a mortgage! I will try to perk up and post as light hearted as I can but on the other hand I am a real person. I have a full range of emotion - both good and bad and they need to be equally expressed.