Michelle's Memories

I am foolishly skipping down memory lane, a trip I just adore taking and perhaps induced this weekend by my swimming in delight over Square Pegs. Of course out comes the memory jar. Oh I just chuckle and die every time I touch that thing. Such silly, silly silliness. I do get stumped often though as I dig around in it. Some are so vividly burned in my mind but honestly a lot has faded. I seriously went to the doctor to discuss the concern over my memory and was told as long as I remember my name, address, SSN and phone number I was good. Funny way to measure the workings of the mind but I do remember those things so I am glad for that.

I read this one and was stumped totally - not every the vaguest inkling of anything pops up for me. "The time we offered that guy a ride and it turned out he knew some friends of yours". I am not sure we are talking about a hitch hiker here or someone after leaving a club - I know this type of thing was not frequent so you would think it would stick - hmmmm.

Here is an even bigger one - "The night you introduced me to Matt. Thank You" - you are truly welcome but nope, sorry. It is a good thing though cuz I can barely even remember not knowing you both or you not knowing each other. I just don't remember the specific moment I introduced you both or anything about it. I remember getting jealous cuz Michelle had a crush on Matt and then I started feeling left out - oh how silly, perhaps I was just trying to manufacture my own Square Pegs storyline or something. But I do know I am incredibly blessed that I know you both still and enjoy every moment we continue to share.

But although these two stumped me - many, many more were making me laugh. They shall be forth comming.

Monday Morning Wake Up Call

I decided I am gonna post some skin each Monday from now on. Why you ask? Well one honestly cuz I am a bit on the pervy side and two cuz Mondays suck and I figured it would help put a little joy into that yuckiest of days. This first post is dedicated to Matt and his damned pot stirring - thanks, I love that you do that! Had a lot of fun on Satuday night but sure wish you were here keeping that pesky Ruben at bay.

Like Oh My Gawd

Joy, joy, joy! I ran into a Lechmere type store out here last night to pick up a new memory card for my camera. I was dawdling and then the light of God shined upon me. I found Square Pegs the complete show on dvd! My favorite sitcom from the 80's. It was awesome albeit on for way too short of a time. I had looked and waited for so many years I nearly gave up but there it was. Dash to the registers with my treasure! I completely forgot to get my memory card. I am dying over this find and just can't stop laughing. I love this show - it is sooooo funny! I have had the book since the 80's and every so often I pull it out and read it because it always makes me chuckle. Now I am on my sofa - sweating cuz the heat is really cranking out here and yet I could care less cuz this is a riot. Oh it takes so little and the results can be such intense happiness. YAY!

She is Awesome

My sister and niece made it in this past weekend for a visit and it was fantastic. They got in on Saturday morning and left on Tuesday. We had a lot of fun, a lot of laughs and just an overall great time. My niece is great. She has such a terrific personality but best of all she is a fantastic audience member. She laughed at all my silliness and goofy jokes. My sister nearly killed us all by keeping us at the swap meet for 4 hours (we still did not see everything). But luckily my niece was their so we could suffer through it together. I really believe that my sister felt she had two kids to take care of this weekend and not just one.

Union Bluff

I love the Union Bluff Hotel. It is on Short Sands in York Beach, Maine and has been there forever - even though they rebuilt it in the late 80's due to a devistating fire - it is exactly the same as the original and they retained the historic feel. It is right on the beach and right next to the Funorama. I so remember this place as a kid vacationing in York Beach. They have done a great job fixing it up as I remember the older version was definitely kinda spooky. We stayed here when I was back east recently. I was so excited as I had never stayed there. Everything was perfect - even better than I could have imagined. What a great time. Thank you very much Judy for a fantastic time - it made me very happy.

It's Not That Bad

I tease about my family but they got here this morning and I am glad for the visitors. I am a tiny bit stressed as I have a lot to do next week on the job search front but I will be able to manage as I created a schedule for myself. Yes Michelle, I have resorted to lists and I do not want to hear another word about it - lol. I think my family actually brought me good luck as tonight out on the deck I saw a shooting star. It has been ages! So of course I made a wish but I am sure you all know what that was. Here's hoping a bunch of hard work and a little bit of a shooting star pull through for me.

Bday Recap

Last Monday I got inundated with emails, texts and phone calls with birthday well wishes from all of you. It felt great and really made my day that much more special. Man, you all have tremendously great memories - I am impressed and envious. I don't think it is because I dropped a lot of hints - or at least I hope nope. Thank you nonetheless.

On my actual birthday I took my mother to go get a tattoo. She told me recently that she decided she wanted one. Then she told me she took that day off to spend with me. So I said let's go that day to get your tattoo. She got a small carnation on her right leg just above her ankle. It was a peach color with burnt red accents. She survived just fine and the tattoo artist was very nice to her. Although as soon as she started creating the tattoo my mother did say, "Oh no I won't be getting anymore of these!". It was a riot and now she feels she can turn 65 in November and still be young at heart.

After that we spent most of the day at my sister's in the pool with the kids which was terrific fun. The neighbor, Christina, was calling me Uncle Scott also. My niece said you can't call him that and Christina said well I don't know his "real" name. What a hoot! I told her Uncle Scott was just fine but don't expect any Christmas presents.

That night I went to Dandelion Green with my parents. They were so excited because I got my dinner half price and with a little cake topped by a candle. The food is very good there so it was nice - although I don't have dinner at 5:30pm too often. Interesting crowd.

Later that night I got to see Donna who I used to work with -- at my past 3 employers lol - for a drink at the 99 to cap off a great day.

When I returned home I saw that Andy my barber also emailed me birthday wishes. A lot of people commented on the photo I posted of him here in an earlier post - so here is the photo of him and his son which he sent me on my birthday. What really cracked me up is that it was not generic. It was address to my name and then signed Andy the Barber (Baa Baa) --- which is a definite humorous reference to my Boston accent. So funny.

In any case - thank you all again - I love you much and appreciate you showing me that you feel the same about me.

Let's Try This Again

My sister and niece are going to try to come visit me again this weekend. If you will remember they tried Easter weekend but thunderstorms in Atlanta messed it all up. So I have boarded up all my windows and stocked up on water and canned goods just to be on the safe side in case this storm that is my family actually does land here in SoCal. Oh my.

Commerical Break

This song cracks me up and I spent all last weekend singing and dancing to it with the kids. They were dying.

This Photo Is Here

Only because I think it is hot. Enjoy!

A Nice Getaway

Well I landed on Friday and went up to York Beach Maine for the night - what a blast. Today there was a big family party and I had so much fun playing in the pool with all the kids - yay. Tomorrow I turn 42 - times flies. I don't have too much internet access so I might have to catch you all up after I return. PS Man is it hot and humid here.

Is This Odd?

Ok so I am going a tad stir crazy and so in the middle of the night I made some muffins - lots of muffins! Then I was like what the hell am I gonna do with 2 dozen muffins. Course I gave some to Mister Rick cuz I am always worried bout that boy eating enough and then I gave some to my therapist. I felt very odd about that but Joseph did not seem to be caught off guard at all by it and he was actually very excited over them! Oh god please don't tell me macrame is next in my future.

Tattoo Buff

Once night recently I stopped at the gas station, filled up and then went into the store for a drink. As I waited patiently in line I noticed the guy in front of me was obviously a marine by his haircut, physique and military themed tee shirt. Good looking of course but I was more thinking that although Pendleton is not too far I don't see many Marines in Esco.

He was wearing basketball shorts and as I waited patiently I saw that he had tattoos on the left side of his left leg running from his knee to his ankle. There were 3 in total: the Patriot's man, the vintage Celtics guy logo, and the Red Sox B. A marine and from Boston and he is here in Esco? I am intrigued.

On my way out he held the door for me and as I thanked him I also said that I noticed his tattoos and thought they looked great however I could not help but ask where his Bruin tattoo was. He told me that of course he has one of those too and before I know it whoosh - up comes his tee shirt and there is the Bruin logo tattooed on his very nice chest just over his heart. Oh joy in mudville what a treat! He was so fit and I certainly did not expect this wonderful treat. "Looks great!" I told him but could not manage much more as I was so embarrassed.

Seemed a bit odd but I did not care as it gave my night an unexpected thrill. Plus if I looked like that not only would I not mind showing my tattoos, but I don't think I would ever wear a shirt - ever. I told him I was from Boston too and to have a good night. I drove away with sly smile and chuckle over the event. Oh how I wish sometimes there was a Scottcam.

PS: Obviously this is not a picture of him but definitely a close approximation!

Apparently I Have Shit for Brains

I responded to some well written requests in the platonic section. I am looking to make more friends out here and create stronger ties. Most of my responses went without a response back to me. But one man actually replied to me within 24 hours. He had been in the area for about 2 years and is about the same age as me and had similar interests. I was happy about the response. He then called me and we made plans to meet. I will admit that there were a couple of long pauses on the phone but it is kinda hard to speak to someone you don't know on the phone. In person those pauses get absorbed by the situation plus I know I was carrying the conversation on the phone and was deliberately trying to put some one him.


He called me the day we were to meet for coffee and said although it is his day off he go called unexpectedly by his boss to go to Anaheim for a business conference. A bit strange - kinda like someone in Boston getting called on a Saturday to go to Providence last minute. But I understood - some businesses are last minute like that. We rescheduled to the next day at a time he stated was good. The next day I sent a text to confirm the time and he replied that his business needs in Anaheim got extended and he was still there. The oddness grows. He told me he would contact me.


A week passes and I hear nothing so I both get the hint and get annoyed. I send a nasty gram that simply states -"thanks for being just another flake - obviously you are not the definition of a southern gentleman - i get the hint - adios". Of course he replies back to state that the only person that has ever truly accepted him died unexpectedly and he had to rush home to TN so naturally I am the bad guy here. Fuck you and your load of horseshit too! What is that saying Matt??? Oh yeah, "I'm not your bitch so don't put your shit on me". If his lame ass story was true wouldn't his response be I got your message and understand why you are annoyed. Of course not because then it would mean there was actually someone else in the world to consider. I can be the bad guy if that is what someone needs me to be. There is no such thing as coincidence.


I responded back to state that in any case obviously between his professional and personal demands that timing is not good for him right now. I told him I was truly sorry for his loss but moreover that he only had one person that accepted him for who he is as that is tragic and makes me count my blessings. I clicked send, deleted all info and then was happy to put that all to an end. I am annoyed as all I was trying to do was to instigate a friendship. I am still naive enough to believe that it should not be such a difficult task to accomplish. If his story were true I would have gladly apologized for my incorrect assumption. Seeing as he used it to simply make me into the bad guy completely underscores my happiness with the delete key.

I Don't Believe That It's a Failure

I crossed the entire US continent and then the whole of the Atlantic Ocean with an empty seat next to me that should have been filled. Then I sat in the dark of Wembley Arena still with that empty seat at my side. A piano started and everyone rose to their feet. A solo spotlight rained down on Will Young as he stood atop a music box. Will was as still as a statue and on top of a pedestal that slowly rotated and made me think of that spinning ballerina music box my sisters’ owned that I was infatuated with. I am here. I made it. Should not be alone but I am. I am amazed and trying to remember to breath. That is it Will - that is exactly what I want - exactly what I tried to make, but failed. I look down at that vacant seat. The sound of it's lacking is louder than Will can sing. The lights come on and we filter out of the arena and on to a train. My nemesis of an unused seat continues to trail me. I am walking now. Earl's court is still buzzing and I am glad to be standing with no seats to be harassing me. The night is damp and noisy but I hear Will.
"I don't believe that it's a failure
I don't believe that it's a fault
Cause if everything were plain sailing
Oh tell me -- what would there be left to resolve"
I see a bench and sit down willingly to be taunted again by my empty fellow traveler.
I did this. I was here. I am glad albeit bittersweet.
"I want an all time love
To find me"

08.05.09

Another fairytale sold, bought and laughed at. Fuck You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KLXVSsT2wQ

Better

While I am not the picture of good health I am finally starting to feel better. Man was that a spot of misery. Yet added to it is this spot of depression and lacking of grounding I am in. Plus I am the first to admit when I am ill I am needy and being alone and ill just magnifies the loneliness in my life. It was rough enough that I went to the doctors and I don't usually do that unless I get scared in someway. So I am getting my bearings back now. I am breathing and sleeping better and feeling the energy to move on starting to muster within in me. I apologize for whining.

Still A Bit Under The Weather

I may need a volunteer from the Red Cross to come and assist me.

Not So Good

Friday was good. I felt great and went to my old company and touched base with some of my old coworkers. It was good to catch up and it was also good to hear that the bullshit does not change as it reinforces my decision was a good one - which I question daily as of late. Later I went out and hung with some acquaintances and of course made plenty new acquaintances. I am gonna stick with the word acquaintance as it is simple to make those but friends, well that is another story. Even with my self esteem challenges, I know I am a good friend but that area has been a challenge out here. I have Rick though and so I cannot be too negative as one Rick is worth one million acquaintances. In any case I felt ill for the rest of the weekend. I could barely get out of bed on Saturday and Sunday. I forced myself out of the house so that I could go to the park - get some sun, fresh air and a small bit of exercise. Just to stroll around knowing that I was only doing it to help get better. A couple things happened physically that wigged me out - if they continue I will see the doctor this week but I hope they just pass. I did not smoke all Saturday and Sunday - I always struggle with that bad habit but I knew I just had to put that aside. Anyway I think I will go to the gym now. I know it is late and I don't wanna work out just get out of the house for a bit more today and feel like another small bout of exercise will help even more, so perhaps a stroll on the treadmill. I apologize as I know this post is not too exciting or enjoyable but for as much as I see life as an adventure - some days are well just that, another day.

San Diego Chicken Pie Shop

When Matt was here he took me to the Chicken Pie shop - oh yummy. The electrical box out side is painted with a really mean looking chicken although on the inside of the restaurant, it could not be anymore of a welcoming place. For $6.50 you get a chicken pot pie, gravy, mashed potatoes, a vegetable, a home made roll and butter, and a slice of pie for desert. Oh yum, yum, yummy. Yes there are a lot of bluehairs their as well as older bachelors all alone in the world but it is so good. Course after all those carbs I total need a nap but it is worth it. As Matt said the place could use a little dusting and some of the waitresses surely worked at the Last Supper but there is no complaints from me! Recently Rick and I went there for lunch because I was literally craving it. Rick is weary of white food but justifiably so after a very precarious run in with a green been casserole last Thanksgiving. But he too died over the savory joy that is the Chicken Pie Shop. Funny - I never was one for ellicit drugs but food oh that is my downfall.