Drunk Dialing

Paula - congratulations on the arrival of the twins! Michael must be thrilled over the cute little tax deductions that they are. THANK YOU so much for my drunken Happy New Year call!!! I do not care where you are or where I am - if you ever try to let a New Year's Eve go by without getting tanking on White Russians and not calling me to lavish me with love -- I will hunt you down! Have fun - happy new year - I love you more than I could ever express in person or on this silly blog. White Russians or not - you are one of the most endearing persons I have ever known. KEEP CALLING!!!!

In No Particular Order

2009 Resolutions:

1. Do not contact any ex in any way, shape, form or manner.
2. Go to the gym or get exercise at minimum of 3 times weekly, regardless of what else is happening that week.
3. Get healthy – eat fruits and vegetables on a daily basis and this smoking thing has got to stop.
4. Practice Spanish daily – even if it is for 10 minutes a day and try to speak Spanish as often as possible for the practice.
5. Do not buy any tickets to any concerts that you cannot pay for in cash.
6. Pay off your credit cards.
7. Do not go shopping because you are bored.
8. Do not go out drinking more than twice a month.
9. Do not give into to other’s opinions of you! If I am too fat, too old, too mundane, too silly, too stupid, too frivolous, or too anything for you then FUCK YOU.
10. Focus on positive things – real friends, family, productive ways to spend your energy, feed your mind, improve your body, and see the difference.
11. Give up revenge – it is stupid and a waste of precious energy. Living well is the best revenge - albeit it easier said than done.
12. Dwell on what you have not what others have.
13. Keep a clean house and toss out shit. No need to keep old magazines and mail and stupid shit. A clean and neat house is a clean and neat life.
14. Be honest – most importantly with yourself!
15. Live your life – fuck them.

16. Remember to be passionate and forgiving toward yourself everyday.

Key: Post Regular updates on the status of these. Modify as need be. Repeat as often as you can. Keep them visible at all times.

Editors Note: Thank you Joseph for your input on number 16. Especially since it merely echoes the advise both Michelle and Michael have given me separately, "Don't be so hard on yourself".

Lucky Me

Why do I get to be Satan? Fuck that. Fuck all of this. I can go on and post some self pity posting but really what is the use. I am done with that shit and all of this shit as a matter of fact. Everyone is out for their own and because I am too fucking stupid to get that basic idea then I have to deal with the shit. Whatever. I am mad and I am annoyed. It is time for a new year and I am not one for resolutions but am making a list this time round. I am gonna write it down and tape it up on my fridge. I am going to repeat it nightly to myself if I have to. A leopard doesn't it change it spots - that is so clear and evident - but it does not mean it has to eat shit.

Happiness

The kids are great. It was wonderful to see them at Christmas time. I know I am the crazy uncle but they just love me to pieces. How much do I love that. The tell me about their games and schools and all sorts off silly stuff that is the most important stuff in the world. I especially see it with Dianne's kids. My family is not warm and touchy and it is so hard for them to express tenderness. Hell it took me a lifetime and I still got a ways to go. But they hug me and sit on top of me - they love that I am silly like no other adult and speak to them like people and not kids. Cindy's kids too - very much so although they are much warmer in general. But I also ways feel so special with them and we have so many laughs. They love me completely and it makes me happy.

You Have to See

During my Christmas visit I saw Slumdog Millionaire with Dianne and Ted. I was glad because they do not get out very often but moreover I was glad because it was such a great movie. It was clever and brilliant and without a doubt moving and touching. I see firsthand in Mexico how Americans are spoiled and that the world - even right next door - is vastly different. It was a bit harrowing at times but enlightening just the same. Read what reviews you want but it is really just a love story. It is the kinda of movie love that at times seems hardly possible to exist in the real world but I truly believe it does. It is elusive and something to work at and although I do not believe it comes to everyone, I still believe it is possible to find. Love can be that true. Love can be that powerful. But like many other wonderful things it does not mean it is easy. That is the part Americans have trouble with. Sometimes things are not easy and we are owed nothing - even if we work very, very hard. But in the end there is no denying the beauty or power of this movie. Treat yourself, see the world, see this movie.

It was Just a Toy Truck

I was a bit annoyed yesterday and so that elicits one or more of these three things: I shop, I eat or I clean. Luckily yesterday I cleaned and so today I had some stuff to donate Goodwill. I cannot make a deposit without making a withdrawal too so I was poking about the store. I am crazy in that I think life is a giant 3D tv for my sole enjoyment and I like to watch. I saw a handsome young Mexican man and his pretty wife and adorable infant. I made note of it because it pleased me to see such a nice little family. I watched as they went over and over a tonka type truck for little, little kids. The dad's eyes were excited but the mom's were not so keen. Looking to maximize their shopping they stayed with the little outfits and shoes they sorted out of the heaps of stuff in the store.

I got stuck as I tend to do and just kept looking. They walked up to the register and all was very average until I thought that it is only 3 days to Christmas, this is killing me. I walked over and picked up the truck and brought it to the family as they were checking out. I gave it to the cashier to ring with their stuff and then handed the cashier a twenty. I said to the young dad in Spanish, "Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family." I don't know, it just all happened so fast. He started to say thanks but I put up my hand as his eyes said more thanks than he could ever express in words. And I said in English, "Merry Christmas".

Where Do I Get One of These???

In case any of you are stuck on what to get me for Christmas - here is a pic of what I need. I have looked everywhere for one and cannot find one. I have the perfect spot for it in my house and I would be eternally grateful!

What Am I Supposed to do With That?

I get a Christmas card from Jose and it says the he will always remember me like a friend. What the fuck??? This world is so retarded, I swear. You just have to laugh. I really don't get people at all -and least of all boyfriends. However it is Christmas time and I don't care. I am looking forward to having fun with my family over the holiday and hope to get to see a bunch of you too. So I shredded the card and deleted his number. I am getting so very good at this letting go thing, especially when it has nothing to do with me. Oh well it can looked at as an early Christmas present for the recyling company.

My Favorite Carol

There are a million versions of O Holy Night out there and I just love it. Religious or not there is no denying the amazing beauty and pagentry of this song. This may not be the best vidoe recording but how cute is David A - plus he can truly sing. But what I especially love is that he sings more than just the first verse in the most sparce style that lets the passion of the song soar. I am feeling very Christmasy.

PS The links to stuff are being crazy so his is a link to click on and enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d6hHb8-cA0

Michelle Said Not to Go There

I had a kinda mellow weekend in NYC and that was good. I was a bit sad cuz of the whole Jose thing - not heartbroken, just disappointed but made the best of it. Found the perfect present for mr Rick as the Swatch store was having a 40% off sale -- ok ok I got me a present there too. There were millions of people in the city. I swear at points I felt like I was swimming not walking. You know when you swim and expend energy but it is still the current that is moving you along not your own power - it was exactly like that - it felt good - I felt light - I felt nearly invisible. Equus was good too - the staging was brilliant and although DRad was a bit over the top - the intense repressed psycho-sexual-religious coming of age drama combined with a mid-life crisis story has always been too mesmerizing for me to ignore.

Most fun I had was hanging with Michelle and her beautiful family. Cara Mia slays me. The whole first day she called me Jeff but I got over that as on day 2 and 3 she said my name more than I have ever heard in my entire lifetime thus far --- she is a peach. A beautiful child that is being raised in a loving home. Made me feel very Christmasy to be around them.

Finally there is a scary dive of a gay bar near the subway in Michelle's neighborhood. I of course was fascinated and begged a bit but Michelle opted not to go. Don't blame her as she has two full time jobs -- one as a book buyer and the other as a parent. Michelle has her hands pleasantly full. Plus she said all the neighborhood derelicts hang there - which of course only intrigued me more, so I went on in flying solo (Hey Matt - where is a good wingman when I need one? lol). A tad bit rougher than I am used to - even on TJ terms - and I am sure there was more than just alcohol for sale there but it all seemed harmless enough and I had a couple. Pictured above is Carlos - I must admit of all the intriguing things about this tough little haunt, he kept it the most interesting.

Outsourcing is Outta Control

OMG they have even outsourced making poo poo to the Patels!

No wonder our economy is in the crapper.

NYC Scenes

Worship Me Bitches!

My favorite store, even with the clowns. All the shiny, tacky nic naks you could ever want in one lifetime! Plus I can remember this store being on central park south as far back as to when I was 16.

Dude its Christmas time - you are working that towel but where is your jacket?

Life Can Be Good

I took this picture while I was at the beach the weekend after Thanksgiving.

I made it into a postcard for you all to enjoy.

Wish you were here!

Potter Peen

Since I will be in NYC alone - other than the time I will have with Michelle and her family (which I am greatly looking forward to) - I decided to splurge. I am going to see Equus on Broadway with Daniel Radcliffe and have 8th row center seats. It is a heavy and dark play - not quite Christmastime fare - but I could not resist. As I said in previous posts - he is 18 now so I am not a perv - lol.

Flying Solo

Tomorrow I leave for NYC and am excited still although I am going alone because Jose is no more. He had a lot of personal problems to sort out and I unsderstood that and did not add to his problems but he still pushed me away. His concerns were legit - like problems with his family in Mexico, his family here, his job, his car, etc. I was not looking for much time at all but he said he had too much stress and no time at all. I am sad that he pushed me away but everyone deals with things differently. To me if there is a lot of crap going on then I hold the good stuff even dearer to me. However he is not me so I told him that made me sad but he needs to do what he has to do and he has my number. I was surprised but life continues on and now I am off to NYC to enjoy myself nonetheless. I don't mean to be cavalier about it as I was thrilled at how well it started off but however one hard lesson I have learned in this world is that sadness of a let down is much easier to take than the frustration of trying to make something work when you are the only one putting in effort.

December 1rst SD - December 2nd Boston

Well I am off to Boston in a few minutes. Will be there for the week for work. Ugh - work has been very difficult lately - but everything is. The ex won't sign the needed paperwork to change our joint account back to just being mine. Yes should have been ages ago and now he says no. How dumb is he. I am asking him to sign this so he will not be responsible for my actions and he will not. He so lives up to the saying "Spite your nose to get at your face". So stupid.

Jose is having a lot of problems and shutting me out. It has made me sad. He says it is nothing to do with me but is still pushing me away. It hurts but at least he called me to say so and did not just disappear. We will see what will happen. In the meantime I had a lost weekend - a lot of booze, men and TV -- 3 universal vices.

I am good though - everything is topsy turvey all around but I am used to the ride.

Please, Please god do not let it be snowing in Boston - I was at the freaking beach on Saturday - it will shock my system.