Sunday, September 28, 2008

It Really Has

Tonight Jose came over to my house. He surprised me with candles and a very sweet get well gift. I have had cold symptoms that were just not getting better so I went to the doctor on Friday and got some high powered anitobiotic. What a super night! Dinner in downtown Esondido. Drinks on my deck under a star packed sky. So romantic and comfortable and yet effortless. Then we watched this movie. It is from Spain and is a sweet comedy of a bunch of people and how their lives inter-twined one crazy, hot day in Madrid. It is all about happenstance with a bit of destiny thrown in. Very enjoyable and so fitting considering I met Jose exactly one month ago today. I did not think my smile could get any bigger, but it has.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

My Favorite Part of a Guy

What is your favorite part?

Frozen Custard

While in St Louis I got to have for the second time in my life frozen custard. It is an ice cream like treat but I am not really sure what it is since if it was just ice cream wouldn't they just call it that? I went to Silky's Custard who happen to have the "World's Smoothest" custard - oh lucky me. You only get to choose between vanilla and chocolate and then they mix things into it. I got vanilla and reese's cups in a form called "concrete". For those of you looking for a more exciting post, I am sorry to disappoint but this is as exciting as St Louis got for me. Although it was very yummy.





I Tried

Wow St Louis was such a defeat! I could not win in the city. Tried my best to have fun, although I was there on work, but no such luck. GPS did not work for shit there. I tried to go to one place and it was closed for the night. I tried to go to another place and it was closed permanently. Man I even tried the porn store and they only had straight porn - OMG. Not a good trip but the I did get to go to a Sonic, the QT had an awesome pig-in-a-blanket and I had frozen custard (story to follow). Bad trip I was bored and ate junk food the whole week. I did at least look in the window at the gym in the hotel. I need to get back on the wagon.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Michelle's Memories - Guest Appearance

Editors Note: Michelle and Matt have been looking forward to this night for awhile - oh the nerves and anticipation. Here I am feeling a bit trapped in St Louis and suddenly a flurry of texts that made me smile. Michelle and I work well together as she is delighted by my interest in her obsessions and I am delighted by hers in mine. I requested of her to put the texts together in a blurb for my for my blog - she of course lovingly indulged me. This is a great story - thank you Michelle! Although I don't buy it - I know you both sang your lungs out.

"So I met Matt at Bloomies, does he look even more handsome in a suit or what?! We had a lovely dinner at Sardi's. I had crabcakes he had steak and we split some apps. I have always enjoyed dining with Matt because he loves food and will try fun things and new combos. A good sharer! The theatre was a half block away so we could take our time. Our seats were about 7 rows from the stage! The show was amazing, very true to the movie. No, I did not sing, though I really wanted too!!! Patti Lupone must be close to 60, she sounded great and was really moving around up there. The scene changing was cool--there was this part where the kids were preforming "the Act" and the stage was lit with a stobe light so you could not see the switch from little kids to teens. They seemed to grow up before your eyes. After we tried to escape the crowd by crossing the street, where Equus was letting out. We wound up right in the middle of a crowd around Daniel Radcliffe. He does have beautiful eyes but wow is he short! What night!!!!! I will remember this show for the rest of my life.You can post this!!!!!"

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Super Sonic

Ok so not all excitement is crazy, insane and over the top - after all I am not a rock star - I only think I am. Tonight's excitement was that I found a Sonic!!! OMG how many years of seeing those commercials and being like where the hell is Sonic? - well they are definitely in St Louis. It was ok - you can't really mess up a cheeseburger but they walk it out to your car. In addition to my cheeseburger I got a corndog. Corndogs are very popular in CA and I have grown quite fond of the they very white trashy and bad for you little bastards. All in all I usually don't eat fast food (believe it or not) so later I was a bit queazy although still super happy that I went to a Sonic! It is the small things with me :)

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Show Me State

I am in St. Louis for the week on business - I know, how did I get such a grown up job - right? I remember the fun Michelle and I had here while on our Rt 66 trek. We saw the floating McDonald's (that has since washed away), took a ride on the mighty Mississippi, went to the top of the Arch and had frozen custard at Ted Drewes'. So I am not sure how more much fun is to be had here or how much time I will have to entertain adventures but hell a state with the motto "the Show Me State" - there is just bound to be some craziness :)

Cue the Curtain

I knew a girl and her name was Judy
She used to do things I thought were rude
But I never said anything to her face,
'Cuz my friends thought she'd kick my arse all over the place.
Used to think she was kinda cool (kinda cool)
I saw her walking all around the school (around the school)
All the older boys would stop and turn their heads,
All the older girls wished that she was dead.

Judy, whatcha gonna do?
When you're older and no one wants to know ya?
I will look out for you,
If you will look out for me
I know I'm not as hard as you
But I think I can see right through you.

Now me and Judy we're the best of pals (best of pals),
She took me dancing to the early hours (early hours)
And showed me things I've never seen
Mum always asked me where I'd been
when I'm with,

Judy, whatcha gonna do?
When you're older and no one wants to know ya?
I will look out for you,
If you will look out for me
I know I'm not as hard as you
But I think I can see right through you.

When you go,
Home at night,
Are you still looking,
For a fight?
You know you're mum,
Is not that mean,
But still you want to,
Rip out her spleen.

Judy, whatcha gonna do?
When you're older and no one wants to know ya?
I will look out for you,
If you will look out for me
I know I'm not as hard as you
But I think I can see right through you,

ooooh
ooooh

What's in your head?

Clarification

My posting below titled "No Hard Feelings" garnered quite a response. I am fine and doing well. For some background Judy is very upset with me. She started to shut me out a while ago because I am harmful to her emotionally. I am not really clear on it all myself but I can respect that I am not every one's cup of tea. I tried in a rational way to get clarification but am still not clear. I am surprised in that I have known her a very long time as well as a lot of other people but this is the first time I have been labelled self absorbed. It makes me wonder if I am duplicitous too if I have hoodwinked so many others since they have not told me I am self absorbed. Judy's response was to block me from her blog. I have one more post that I will put up on the topic and then I will let it go. Thank you for the out pouring of concern.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

No Hard Feelings

I am not upset, mad, angered or annoyed. I have failed you and wish to cause you no further harm. I did my best but my best is not always good enough. I will check in your blog from time to time and invite you to do the same. You have my numbers and I will leave the decision to contact me in your hands. I am sorry for the unhappiness I have brought to your life.

Email from Scott to Judy 09.05.08
I read this on your blog: "Another is to remove or keep at arms length the things or people in my life who I feel do not respect or value me and therefore make me feel bad about myself."
I feel I fall into this category. Is that correct?

No response from Judy.

Email from Scott to Judy 09.13.08
hey there - hope you are well You never answered my below email - i have not heard from you in ages - I can only assume that is my answer. I will be respectful as I have no interest in making people unhappy.

No response from Judy.

Text from Scott to Judy 09.14.08
Hey sure it is ok to shit on me - especially since since so many have shit on you. Very sweet of you - I get it.

Text from Judy to Scott 09.14.08
Ok its all about you - I haven't responded because I knew you would attack me no matter what I said or how I'd say it. I can't deal with that right now. You have been far more hurtful than you realize. You're so self absorbed you don't and won't see it.

Text from Scott to Judy 09.14.08
Very well then.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Jose

More clicks folks - many, many, many more clicks.

I met Jose just over a week ago while out having a blast with Matt. Since then I have seen him 4 more times. We have gone to dinner, dancing, hung out, and out at the beach. I think I may be a bit more of a negative person than I thought because when there is a negative I can write for days. With Jose - there is so much positive but I hold back. Perhaps I just am afraid to jinx it but it is not difficult to say at all, it is off to a very good start.

Tonight after dinner we went to the beach. We walked and talked and enjoyed the always beautiful SoCal night air. In the distance from a bar I could here "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale. Not a typical love song but I like it a lot. I told Jose I liked it. He asked me to dance. As we held each other close and moved in gentle circles in the sand with waves collapsing on the beach - it dawned on me --- I am 3,000 miles away from where some many people call my "home", I did that alone and with my own determination, I have not spoken English in 4 hours but have had no lack of conversation, I am in the arms of a gentle and sweet man who wants nothing more from me than to see a smile on my face. You know what happened next - the tears came forth. Damn I get so caught up. He was so concerned - I told him that it was because I was so very happy. He said he was glad but that his happiness, to be with me, towered just as high.

Again folks - many, many, many more clicks.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Sweet Baby Jesus - The Return of Richard

Matt was here for a short time but boy did we have some adventures. The stories of which are slowly unfolding here. The last time I saw Richard was in July when we went to the Yaz show together in LA - great show without a doubt, probably the best I have seen this year but a DUD of a date.

I left it up to him to contact me - which he didn't - and which I expected so was really not phased at all by it. I did however send a text to say thanks for everything and best of luck. He responded he had been sick. I deleted his number and that was that. I actually am growing used to the power of delete.

Matt and I last Saturday march on into the Redwing to enjoy his last night in SD and voila - there is Richard in the exact same stool I met him sitting at some months ago. It seems his health has returned. A high pitched "Heeeeey" by him followed by a pat on the back, thinly disguised as a hug, and some air kisses. He also solemnly told me he lost my number when he got a new phone. I responded with an "Ahhh", but no offer to give him my number again. OMG - do you think I care? Anyway no need for drama - I was polite and fun although his weird friend Richard kept drastically invading my personal space and also his friend Richard's bf was hitting on me. Matt and I moved to the patio when the karaoke began.

This week I get a text from him to say that I was not very social (it seems he found my "lost" number). This is from the guy who I could not for the life of me keep a conversation with on anything for more than 5 minutes, and I tried! I responded that I was very social, gabbed with bunches of people and enjoyed time with Matt. He responded that my new bf was very handsome. I only responded that Matt was a very fun guy that I loved a lot - true - just not completely truthful, ha! Whatever. All is fine - no harm no foul - I tried, you stopped -- so just let it go. I know that seems like funny advice from me who has loads of problems letting go but I am not that insane. Glad your well, wish you continued good health and fun, but BUUUURRRP "Sweet Baby Jesus" it's ok, let it go.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

20 Plus More Years

On August 16th I had a fantastic family party in MA with all my wonderful nieces and nephews. It was great and really made me feel very happy and special to be turning 41. The kids actually love me to pieces. To add to my happiness, Michelle who had just drove in from NYC stopped by. Much later in the night Michelle, her friend Jackie and I ended up at an Irish bar in Boston.

After I got back to SoCal it dawned on me that exactly 20 years ago on August 16th Michelle and I went to an Irish bar in Boston so I could celebrate my first legal drink when I turned 21 at midnight. Here is the text that followed:

Scott: It dawned on me that 20 years ago we did the same same thing for my birthday. I can't think of better times had.
Michelle: Amazing how many milestones we have shared. Thx for making time for me.

Scott: Here is to 20 plus more years. I can't wait to play bingo with you in the old folks home.
Michelle: There will be an 80's night but we will think its music and we'll be the youngest seniors in the place.

Scott: No matter where I end up, the thought of you tells me that I am home and I am loved.
Michelle: Home is where the heart is. It doesn't matter where we go or what we do it is love. I love you too! Happy Birthday.

Michelle - I do not understand how I became so privileged in this lifetime to have you in my life - but I cannot express how truly happy I am. Love you much.

The End of Ramiro

Last time I was supposed to see Ramiro I was crying at the goddamn border of USA and Mexico and texting frantically to Rick to ask how to say all types of horrid words in Spanish. This scene resulted because I was supposed to meet up with Ramiro for a date and he stood me up. We had hooked up a couple times - both completely a straightforward hook up but some how it was changing into more and was supposed to become a date. It really hit me hard as I started thinking more than was apparently there was. Days later came some lame excuse involving a large bus, a big accident and days in the hospital which was followed by him leaving to Chicago. I dunno - maybe true but in any case I deleted his number.

While I was in MA out the blue I get a shocking call from Ramiro. He was back in SoCal and wanted to see me. I was so surprised by all this but was curious. We did end up going out on our date finally. As he walked down the street toward me I was reminded how handsome he was. I also got a tad of a tingle. We had dinner and then a very enjoyable night of dancing, some drinks and many laughs. I asked him point blank what he wanted from me and he said that I was his type, very handsome and he wanted to know me better. He was all over me all night long.

All very nice but as we parted ways he told me he had to give his brother back the cell phone he had been using but that once he got his own cell phone he then he would contact me. That was over 10 days ago so I quite happily have not been holding my breath for his call - as it still has not come yet. I am glad I gave him a second chance. It was very fun for sure but moreover very enlightening as it proved to me first instincts are usually right. So I have deleted his number for a second time and yet instead of ending in tears, it ended in a sense confidence. Adios amigo!

Monday, September 01, 2008

That Click

Well Matt was in SD visiting another friend of his that lives here. I got to see him last Thurs, Fri, and Sat nights and it was so much fun. Best way to describe it is that - I fucking love Matt. I told him we work well together because he loves to stir the pot and I am so easily stirred. He laughed at me as always. I have stories - we had tremendous fun! They will come forth soon.

First though - he is an excellent wingman. While out on Thurs night with him I met Jose. At first he snubbed me or so I thought but Matt "stirred the pot" and I got the courage to try again and it worked! Got a couple kisses before the night was through and a number.

Saturday night had a great dinner with Matt and then some more laughs before I let him do some solo hunting and for me to head over to Jose's. What a great night. He lives in El Cajon, the same city as Rick so that is a good start, and he is 38 and is legal and is fantastic. Although I admit I must have had more to drink than I recall about Thurs night as I remember his English being better than it is. I can work with that since my memory of how handsome Jose is was still right on.

I don't like to jinx things or get too far ahead of myself but Jose and I had a great night tonight. A fantastic dinner in SD, lots of conversation, and bunches of laughs. Perhaps I got caught up in the perfect Socal night effortlessly lit by the stars. Perhaps it was the relaxing feel of the cool ocean air. Perhaps it was because I am here by myself, 3,000 miles from Boston, having a date in another language of all things but I dunno - I felt a click. You know ---- that click. Right now I will chalk it up to a great night but I know as I sat completely content and happy, my arm around his shoulder and his head on my shoulder - we both smiled. And I distinctly felt, that click.