Head in the Clouds

I saw this picture and I like it. I am normally not into sci-fi but it has a bit of a steampunk edge and liked the sensation of floating it gave to me. Something is up with my head. I apologize for being debbie downer but I just don't know what is going on. In 2011 I was so focused, so obsessed with resolving my unemployment. I landed a good job after 11 months and thought I had done it, that I had made it. It is a great company and the only complaint is that I get paid less than I got paid in 2004. It is kinda like I was on volume 10 for so long and living on adrenaline but I got this job and immediately went into the busy season. No downtime, my head is spinning. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I am doing. I worked so hard to stay and now I feel so alone. Perhaps I feel a bit stuck. Maybe it is just the challenge of starting over again. I tried to make it 7 months without missing a day of work because I need to accrue time in order to come back in June. Missing those 2 days last week comes out of my PTO and now I may not have enough time to come back. I am super lucky because I have health insurance and don't know what would have happened to me if that happened last year and not this year. But why do I worry about the past? I seem to have lost my vision and so feel lost in general. Looks appealing to get into one of these ballons and float away. I know I made accomplishments in 2011 but they are slipping away. I don't know why I worked so hard to stay. I have been here for almost 6 years and the whole time feel like I have been struggling. I am just kinda tired. I feel a bit isolated. I wonder if I wanted to isolate myself. I am puzzled and baffled. Is this stress, self pity, a mid life crisis, the results of many bad decisions? I will be fine. I will shake it off, I always do. But I will admit that tonight I took two of my left over pain pills from last week in order to gain a small amount of relief from myself. I am just a bit fuzzy over it all and what did I do. I need some clarity but it is not here yet. I'll tough it out. I'll figure it out. The alternative is not an option.