My head is just crazy lately - which I guess means that I am just crazy lately. I was so excited about my videos and thought it was the break through I needed to be excited and enthusiastic again but I just could not keep the steam going. I have lots to say - I always do but it is all fractured in my head and then there is stuff on the surface blocking it. Stuff I don't wish to talk about but just can't move aside. I have my job, I have a place to live, I take care of my own, I rarely ask for anything but I don't know. I worked so hard to land this job and it is going well but perhaps I have post tramatic stress. I am not being a drama queen. For all of last year my nerves we on end and so worry just became my natural state. I accomplished lots of positive things - I know that - now it is just the question of was it all worth it plus shutting off that worry mode. I have gone bit to the opposite end of the spectrum - I eat, work, watch tv and sleep. The only activity I manage faithfully inbetween those activities is worry. I think it is just a strong woe is me spell - oh I am so lonely, oh I am so fat, oh what's the point, etc. It gets you nowhere and plus it gets stronger the more you indulge. I have done it bunches of times before - I will regroup and I will get this fucking ride in motion again!
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