Venting

So I had no plans for Halloween and was ok with that. I go out a lot and can have crazy fun anytime so do need the extra crowds and stuff. I love Halloween but it seems like a lot of pressure. It is kinda like only saying I love you on St Valentine's Day which would make no sense. But I am feeling pressure like I should have some crazy plans tonight.

I am exhausted from the week and tried to talk to Jose on the phone tonight. I got frustrated and was like "fuck Spanish -I am too tired for this shit". I only got frustrated because I really wanted to talk but sometimes hate the effort. So lazy of me because you need effort to obtain the things you want. Now I am all annoyed and twisted and grumpy with myself. So many very positive things about Jose but this language thing just killed me tonight. I am only venting and it would have been better if I was not so tired. He tries English too but it is as difficult as Spanish for me. Usually we just talk and talk but tonight we couldn't.

I am gonna go practice with my Rosetta Stone program now and continue learning Spanish. I am a nutcase. Tomorrow is a another day.

Happy Halloween!!!

Hope everyone has a fun Halloween with some fun tricks and heaps of treats.

Smoking Turns More than Just Your Lungs Black

OMG - how weird is the world today.

Christmas Time in New York City

Jose and I are going to go to NYC in December. I am very excited. NYC at Christmas time is just amazing. Man all the trips there and it was always the best at that time of year. It will be fantastic to see Michelle and her family. I hope I get a chance to see Matt too. I am nervous of course - I always am such a worry wart. I hope it is not too cold and I hope there is not too much snow (none would be fine with me). It is a far way to travel from San Diego and Jose has never been that far before. It is very expensive and I need to watch my money but my heaps of points turned it into a very, very reasonable trip. It will be a blast, I know it. I am excited but that excitement is mixed with nerves too. Wow, not quite Halloween yet and I am chomping at the bit now for Christmas.

What a Laugh

This movie was so funny - I could not stop laughing. I assumed it would be humorous but I literally was laughing out loud. It was like slap stick comedy with a bit of intelligence. Totally predictable and yet delivered the laughs as I wanted so I loved it. I am still chuckling over it. You have to watch it if you want to just have a fun hour and a half plus.

Domir means To Sleep

Jose is really nice! I am always nervous about the language barrier but kinda like that fact that we can't take communication for granted. It is not like we don't talk - yadda yadda yadda, both of us but we just have to stay conscious of making sure the other one understands. I have met his sisters Lilia and Guadalupe, nieces Lily and Mireli, and best friend Blanca and her family. Everyone has been very welcoming to me and exceptionally kind - especially Jose. He gives me little presents like a get well angel and a crystal heart - he is so sweet. He is not complicated and it is so refreshing. Don't get me wrong - he is smart and has his share of problems but they are not all encompassing or wrapped around us. We have had plenty of adventures but I must admit I forgot how nice it is to sleep with someone - not sex, I mean sleep. To go to sleep next to someone that you enjoy a lot and normally are thinking of first thing in the morning and there he is in person. That is one of life's joys.

Again

I posted this video ages ago but I just had to post it again. All the problems I had lately - this song provides such needed relief. When it comes on in any place everyone just goes wild - there are no problems for just a few moments. It is not just the music but what it says. Here is a translation - not exact but the best I could find.

The people drew me
I point the finger
Whisper behind my back
And I give a shit

That gives me more
If I am different from them
I am not anyone's
I have no owner

I know that I criticize
I know that hate me
The jealousy eats them
My life haunts them

Why will
I have no fault
My circumstances have insulted
My destiny is what I decide
The one I chose for me

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Maybe the fault is mine
By failing to follow standard
It's too late
To change now
I stand firm in my convictions
I positions reinforced
My destiny is what I decide
The fact that I choose for me

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Who cares what I do
Who cares what I say
I am well and so I will continue
Never change

Everyday

I know that I usually post about going out and this craziness or that craziness and although I do have a lot of fun I just wanted to let people know that most the time it is just me hanging out alone. I don't usually write about that stuff because it does not seem exciting but you know it does not have to be exciting - everyday is not a party. A lot of nights I watch tv - my favorites are Ugly Betty and the Big Bang Theory (that show makes me literally laugh out loud!). I belong to netflicks and so see a bunch of indie movies that I get from there. Sometimes I surf the web and read other people's blogs. A lot of times I read my blog - like I wasn't the one who wrote it. I work on mail and send it to the kids since it is really important to me to keep in touch with them. I burn cd's so I can jam in the car or send them off to friends for them to dance along with me. I volunteer and give my walking tours to the tourists in the Gaslamp District. Sometimes I sit on the deck and and read under the stars because the nights are so beautiful and there are no mosquitos. I am always exploring - checking out this little store I saw or drving up this road that I go by all the time but do not know where it goes. So life is not always a party, nor is it always fun but I enjoy myself. This is the first time in my life I have ever lived alone and I like it. Sure sometimes I get lonely but most times I am content. I like who I am, where I am and what I have accomplished. I am very lucky and blessed to have the things in my life that I have but moreover by the people that I have in my life.

The Freaking Hill

So I have a rental car now but not sure for how much longer. My car is totalled and I have been looking at new cars but am not sure when I will settle on the right one. Hopefully soon but I may be without a car again. The only part of that which sucks is the driveway is such a steep hill! Here is a picture for those of you who have not seen it in person. It is way too steep to ride my bike down and definitely to steep to ride my bike up it. When I walk up it, at one point although I am standing up straight, I am looking down at the ground. I just keep telling myself what good exercise it is. Man I bet if I walked up and down this hill everyday that I lived here so far, then I would be such a skinny mini!

The Love Affair Continues

As if I did not have enough reasons to still love Molly Ringwald after all these years - now she has gone and done this. Prop 8 is the question on the ballot to ban gay marriage in CA. And although I have lived in the two states in the union where gays can legally marry and yet I have never been married ---- well that could change one day and so I really appreciate Molly's help!

Scenes of Escondido

Hopefully next week I will have my rental car squared away but until them I am glad I have a bicycle and live in sunny, warm SoCal. I was supposed to go to Mexico this weekend with Jose to celebrate his sister's birthday but did not think it was a good idea as I need to watch money. I told him to go still so I was out and about doing errands on my bike. Of course I met many interesting people all over in my travels as well as took some pics in my lovely hometown. Escondido has a transit center so if I want or need to get into SD it is very easy. Also all the stuff I need on a regular basis is here like stores, banks, DMV, restaurants, movies, barber, etc so that is great. I love riding my bike so am a bit disappointed in myself that it took such a drastic happening to get me back into it, but I am glad I am. You get a different view on your bike and I like what I see. Especially the wild hibiscus all over the place.

Trouble

Last Thursday I was driving on Park Blvd in San Diego when someone tried to pull onto the road without being able to see. He pulled out right in front of me and smash - you can see the results to my car above. No one got hurt so that is the good news but it does get worse from there. It seems I was unaware that my car insurance lapsed as well as I do not have a CA license. My insurance is through AAA and they sent me a notice to renew my AAA card but because I did not they did not renew my insurance. Stupid I know but at least it makes sense that I would overlook renewing my AAA card instead of my insurance.

I got my insurance squared away and luckily he is at fault. Monday I will get my license taken care of but I still will have to go to court about all this. Not to mention because of the age of my car and the mileage I am sure it will be totaled. I am not really in the position to take on a car payment or put up a down payment but I will figure it out.

In addition to not being hurt at least the forced exercise by needing to ride my bike is doing me good and also this is a good wake up call that I need to get serious about my finances - especially with big changes looming on the job front. I will figure it all out. I might have to ask my brother for help which I have never done but am sure he will if he can. As well as I can just pay the carpoolers to ride with them so I will have a way to get to work.

Jenn, James, Jay, John, Mike, Paul and Darren

If it seems that all I do is go out and have craziness, you have to remember I don't usually post - laid on the couch last night and watch movies all night, although I do that frequently. That being said what a crazy fun night I had last Friday. I recently made a new friend in Jenn - she is 42 and lives a couple towns over and she responded to an ad I placed looking for someone to go to a concert when I had a last minute cancel. She is nuts which is good but it is also bad as I am so easily lead into craziness. She is really sweet though.

We got tickets to go see James at the House of Blues and just like when I saw them in Boston with Michelle, I was curious but not dying and then the show was just mind blowing amazing. So much fun! I can't believe they are not bigger then they are and I just danced with Jenn like a madman the whole time.

I do not want to make a forever post so here is my best attempt at a summary laundry list of characters we ran into that night.

Jay: 32, very tall and super nice sideburns. Jenn spots him at the concert and asks me, "Gay or straight?". To which I promptly replied, "Gay". She then goes up to him and says, "Are you gay or straight". He says "Straight" although is definitely caught off guard by the question. Jenn follows up with, "Oh cause we were trying to decide and my friend thinks gay". I spit my drink out. Told you she is crazy. He was fun and funny and even said to her later, "What can I do to prove I am straight?" but then he disappeared. I am sticking with gay.

John: 48, married and father of 3. He was blown away at how great James was. Seems he is way into music, lives in near by Encinitas, could tell how much I was enjoying the show and is totally looking for a concert going partner. Met his wife later as she was in the lounge watching the show from there. Totally seems like he would be cool to hang with and to widen my circle. Next day he sent me a great pic of the show and a text that said "At cub scouts with son but look forward to going to check out more great shows with you". I replied, "Me too - definitely" although was thinking, "Cub scouts?".

Mike: 33, latino, from Houston, ex-marine and total hottie. Jenn and I were eating Mexican after the show and people watching in the Gaslamp District. Mike was at the bar all alone. We - actually I - sent him a shot of tequila. He drank it right down then came over to us. He said he was trying to figure out our deal all night because both Jenn and I were checking him out. LOL sooo funny. We joined him at the bar and laughed a lot. It ended with both Jenn and I getting to feel what he described as the "smile maker" - I could not make that shit up but it did make us smile. She got his number - I got us outta there.

Paul - random hot gay guy from Chicago who chatted me up while outside of the Mexican restaurant. He was brand new to town on business and trying to figure the city out. I gave him the low down - headed him in the right direction but before I did so we danced out on the street to "Baila Mi Corazon" by Belanova. He wanted me to go with him but I said nah. He was nice but Jose is nicer and although El Cajon is a bit of a ways away - it is closer than Chicago.

Darren - 34 year old depressed, handsome guy that looked a lot like Montgomery Clift only with blond hair and blue eyes. He came to Gaslamp to have fun but some girls were mean to him. Jenn's question of the night, "Are you gay of straight?" depressed him more. We cheered him right up after that though. We had him laughing and being silly and feeling better in no time. He told us that we were better than his therapist. Jenn was really digging his scene and he lives in San Marcos which is close to her. They are gonna go to Vegas for a long weekend. I am going to pass.

Crystal Clear as Mud

Well nothing official yet but the writing is crystal clear - my company is going to consolidate Customer Service into one location - most likely in MA. Of course this won't happen next month but quite possibly later next year. I have been told so and also know there will be a spot there for me but I don't know what I am going to do in the long run. In the short run I am going to create as many options as possible. At this point I don't want to go back. SoCal is my home and I love it. Not much else to write on this topic but I will surely keep you posted as I work through it.

That's Me

Although you think I cope,
my head is filled with hope...
of some place other than here.

Although you think I smile,
inside all the while...
I'm wondering about my destiny.

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life.

I'm a dreamer,
a distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope, from today.

Even when you see me frown,
my heart won't let me down,
because I know there's better things to come (Woah Yeah).

And when life gets tough,
I feel I've had enough,
I hold on to a distant star,

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life...

I'm a dreamer,
A distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today.

I'm a dreamer,
A distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today.

Yeah, I'm a dreamer

Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...

I'm a dreamer,
a distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today,

Yeah i'm a dreamer...

Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...
Oooooooh...

I'm a dreamer.