Perfection

So I spent 7 years of my life trying to live up to someone else's idea of perfection. Funny on a couple points. First, I thought that if I could live up to his idea of perfection then I would make him happy and in turn myself. Flaw with that was he could not even live up to his insane ideal of perfection so no way could I. Instead of perfection I obtained frustration.

Second, as I thought about it, it did not start there - that was just the pinnacle. It has always been important for me to live up to other's needs. Accomplishing that would make them happy and thereby please me. There is a flaw there too because although it would please them and myself to a certain degree - to a larger degree it would make me just feel frustrated because many times I would pass up what I wanted to do.

All this comes down to is that I can't do perfection. I am flawed but isn't that the human condition? It hurts me to let people down. It hurts me to disappoint people. But I cannot be so hard on myself. I am not malicious. I am not cruel. It is just that I am not perfect. I know many people love me anyway, it is difficult for me to be comfortable with that. It does not mean I do not appreciate it or that I am not aware of it. So if I have disappointed any of you - I am sorry, truly --- as would anyone be that really cares about someone else.