Lost Weekend

I had a bit of a lost weekend this past weekend which has overflowed into this becoming a lost week. Just a bit foggy and even a tad reckless but mostly just lost. I dunno why or perhpas better said I am not sure which one of my many neuroses is causing it. I am good overall though. I am posting this picture only because I think the guy is very handsome and it is helping me focus on coming back from the land of the lost. Enjoy.

I Need a Cat

This past winter I started getting prank phone calls. They would usually happen on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. The call was always listed as unavailable and the person on the other end would just do heavy breathing. The first time it happened I was a bit puzzled? I mean a prank phone call with heavy breathing - how freaking 70's can you get. But then I kept getting them and so I made them fun. The caller would never utter a single word - only breath and so I would carry the conversations on myself (so glad I have that skill). I told the caller once that the heavy breathing was so retro I could not help but get excited over it. It was totally like being back in 7th grade! Plus I was a bit curious - why would someone prank me? It made me feel a bit special. I suppose keyword there is special.

In any case it probably happened about 5 different occasions and then stopped. Once I told the caller how much I loved the 70's and the first concert I had ever been to was the Village People and Gloria Gaynor at the Boston Garden. I said I could not decide which was more exciting - getting to see the leather daddy drive out on his bike or watching the entire floor of the Garden do the hustle - a cherished memory to this day. One time I asked if they knew of a good Chinese restaurant because I was having trouble locating one. And one time I have a very in depth conversation regarding my confusion over laundry as I just cannot figure out which detergent is the best on both stains and safe for colors.

During most of the calls the caller would eventually end up hanging up on me as I prattled on. It was a little insulting, I mean this person calls to harass me and then has the nerve to be annoyed enough with what I am saying to hang up while I am talking??? I swear American culture has absolutely no clue on what the word manners is all about.

The other morning I had to bring my sister and her family to the airport at 4am so they could catch a morning flight. Around 5:30am I get a call - I never get calls that early so I answer since I am up just checking email before work - and it is the heavy breather! I was like Oh My God how the hell have you been? It has been too long. On the second call that day I decided to put my phone sex operator skills to the test. I was doing really well too I must admit since the breathing got even heavier than normal. I even commented on what a lucky day it was for this person since this service is usually $1.98 a minute. I was just about to deliver the "money shot" and the bastard hung up on me - ugh! OK now I am mad. Who the hell are you to be so rude? The caller calls again andI promptly reprimand this person for obviously not even having the most basic concept of politeness. The caller hangs up.

I have not heard back from them but keep thinking about it. Obviously I know this person since they never utter not even one word and I have done plenty to at least elicit at minimum a general Fuck You from them, so they must know I will recognize their voice. Also this number is always listed as Unavailable which means they block it each time since if your number is private it comes up as Restricted. Lastly this person must be from the east coast as who the hell is gonna get up at 5:30am to make a prank call. On the east coast it is 8:30am - still kinda early but since it was work day it would make more sense as to why this person would be up.

I wonder if it is him, the nameless ex. I can't imagine it is. I never even considered it until this most recent incident. First off he is too lazy to go out of his way to actually put any type of effort like that forth. Second although I have always given him credit for being stuck at 19 when he said Fuck Off to his father and they have never spoken again - such a proud achievement to hold a grudge so well. I can't imagine he is actually only stuck at 12! Perhaps I did give him too much credit. One thing is his favor is that he has zero creativity so it would make sense for him to make heavy breather type calls since they are so mundane.

But all in all what this truly means is that I think I need a cat because if I talk so much that even a heavy breather hangs up on me well then I must need something else around for me to chat with. Who knows - maybe.

They're Here

Calamity Jane and her gang are here visiting me (aka my sister Dianne, brother in law Ted, and my niece Elliana). God it is like unbridled chaos - I am so not kidding. I can thoroughly relate to exactly how the little blonde girl in Poltergeist felt when she said, "They'reeee Hereeee". My sister is crazy, I am so normal by comparison - believe it or not. I always felt like oh when I get older if I need any help my sister will be there to assist me - NO! Just send me off to the glue factory as that would be a much kinder fate.

Ah deep breath, deep breath - go to your happy place - ahhhhh.

Ok let's try this again.

My sister and her family are visiting and I am so happy. I just love my niece Elliana. She is so cute and very sweet. She doesn't like kisses and although I sneak lots of them in. I also give her bunches of hugs but I am not sure she likes those too much either, nonetheless we have been having fun. We went to the beach and on a boat tour of San Diego harbor. Of course the weather is great and Elliana is excited to be so far from home, having flown on a plane, and best of all getting to visit me.

What a peach she is - too bad she travels with such baggage - lol. Oh that is so mean. I am happy to see Dianne and Ted too. So they are nuts but that is what makes them family.

I'll Walk Alone

Band singer Jo Stafford has died at her home in Los Angeles at the age of 90.

The star was a big hit with US servicemen in World War II who nicknamed her GI Jo.

Stafford died of heart failure on Wednesday, her son Tim Weston said. He added that her health had been declining since October.

The singer had 26 charted singles, nearly a dozen top 10 hits and she also won a Grammy for a comedy album she released with husband Paul Weston.

'Reluctant star'

Born in Coalinga, California, Stafford began her career as a member of the Pied Pipers.

The group backed Frank Sinatra on his early recordings with the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra in the late 1930s.

Speaking about Stafford, Sinatra once said: "It was a joy to sit on the bandstand and listen to her."

Despite her shyness, she had her own radio and TV series during the 40s and 50s.

Her son said she was a "reluctant star".

He added: "She loved making records and really didn't crave the attention of personal appearances."

Stafford voluntarily retired after making her last recording in 1970.

In addition to her son, Stafford is survived by a daughter, Amy Wells, and four grandchildren.

Weston died in 1996.

Wicked Summer

The 80's Summer marches forward. On 07.15.08 Margaret and I went and saw Chris Isaak. It is the 4th time I saw him and he still puts on a great show. Funny side note - the first time I saw him was at the Paradise on 07.13.89 with Kerrie (I checked my ticket stub). Memorable for many points but mostly because he came out into the audience and danced and it was so cool until he sweated on Kerrie - a bit icky.

Gotta hand it to him, he is still quite the showman all these years later and can even hit that high note in Wicked Game (although never really liked that song too much). Kinda cracked me up as the goofy couple in front of us started hugging during that song. I was like hellooo can you hear the words, it isn't really a love song just a pretty no thanks song.

Check out the mirrored suit picture - so envious am I! It reminded me when we went with Judy to see him on 08.19.05 (I checked that stub too). Someone brought their little boy to that show. He was maybe 5 or 6. They were so crafty that they made the little boy a matching mirrored suit! Oh course Chris spotted him and got him on stage. The little boy loved it. What style at such a tender young age. He will probably be on Project Runway 2025. I hope he wins!

The show was over at one of the casinos and it was outdoors. I am not sure which was better - the beautiful SoCal night or all the casino freebies. Of course we got the free buffet dinner and I contemplated the lobster but then memories of Denny's and chicken fried steak filled my head so I most definitely passed on that. They did though have these awesome little chocolate truffle balls that were quite delish.

Like a little squirrel, I went around and collected all my free casino cash and ended up turning it into real cash so of course I stopped there and put it in my pocket. Stupid me though as I waited for Margaret I stayed near the machine I was playing, it was called "Gusher" how porno. I then got to witness a blue hair come up and hit it for 40 bucks! Doesn't sound like much but it was a damn penny machine - that is 4,000 pennies for those of you bad at math. I swear Ida was swimming in the delightful thought of adding 4,000 pennies to her retirement fundand that very thought alone puffed up her bouffant hair to even more extrodinary heights.

Word to the wise:

Once done with a slot machine - much like an ex, leave never to return again!

Editors Note: Thanks for the great pics and fun night Margaret. Although dunno why you were fussing at me when I asked you to take my pic - I think it came out great :)

Not So Much

Here is Richard. I took this picture recently when we went up to LA to see Wicked. Richard is very nice and I think him so handsome. We had a terrific first date but now 4 more great dates later, it has kinda gone psssst - flat. I tried as I did like him and things started off so stellar but I dunno it was kinda like we used up all his conversation in the first 2 dates and so it was just blah after that.

Here are the 3 things he likes immesely:
First - Karoke ----- ok don't be mean he sings well
Second - Country Music ----- San Diego is after all as west as you can get in the continental US
Third - Musical Theater ----- but not going to it, only singing all the showtunes usually at Karoke

So I am happy and pleased because I put myself out there and perhaps he will become a friend but I dunno. Recently I was actually dumbfounded as I could not think of any topics to talk about - how often does that happen to me??? I was beside myself. I think he only lives in the 8 blocks of Hillcrest, the gay ghetto in San Diego, and never ventures outside of it. The world is too large to have 8 blocks be your world. Plus hell my personality alone is too large to fit in just 8 blocks. Hillcrest is fabulous - such a nice area of town and very fun but you know what I have had just as much fun at the local yokel dive bar in Escondido called Pounders. PS Pounders is a straight bar - with a name like that? Go figure.

I am not gonna say all types of nasty things because I really don't have any to say. He has a big bellow of a laugh, is kind, and I wish him well. However I will mention these two things that annoyed the piss outta me.

First he used the word "Sweetie" more frequently than a barfly uses the words, "I'll have one more." I mean what is that??? Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie -- hell if you are gonna have a catch phrase make sure it is a good one - think of Flo's "Kiss My Grits" from Mel's Dinner.

Second he burped -- frequently and loudly. Right from the first date he burped. I was in shock and a little bit of awe. The first time I was thinking, "Oh how free is he. I am so uptight with my New England upbringing BUT not these San Diegans". And then came forth another and another and I thought, "Oh I need to relax it obviously must be a medical condition like burpalitis or something or other." So anyway each time I saw him, he burped. I actually got quite used to it although did not participate myself. What I however could not get used to is that after each and every burp he would exclaim, "Sweet Baby Jesus!". What the fuck?!? I swear. So then I started looking online to see if I could draw a connection between turrets syndrome and burping, although according to the NIH there is none.

You're The One

I have always loved this song - how could you not. It is such utter pop perfection like aural ice cream topped with marshmellow. As if it is not enough pop provenance to be written by Petula Clark, just check out those blued eyed harmonies.

But then as if the song all these years has not brought enough joy - check out this video! The coordinating cardigan with a dickie look alone wants to make me wanna die but then add on the scrawny guy with the huge voice and kick ass hair - oh my. But what really blasts this into the realm of stellar is the sychronized aerobics going on all over the place. I need to go to this club.

Speechless

I saw Yaz play live on Friday night in LA. I was in the second row and the show was beyond brilliant! I am still so ecstatic over it that I can barely assemble the proper thoughts to describe it. I am sure I will be posting more about it but at present time the best summary I can provide is:

I danced and cried... a lot!!! :)

Michelle's Memories

Dancing.

Editors Note: Oh man how many times do you think we have danced to that Grease medley? Do you think it is officially over 1,000 - really I swear all the clubs and weddings we danced to that song at! Remember we used to go up stairs at Axis on Sunday nights because the DJ was kick ass? And they always played that medley - Summer Lovin, had me a blast. And if I am not wrong I think it was on one of those special nights to that very song you burst your bra - under wire everywhere. I was amazed especially since you danced through it all and then only after the song did you say, "Hey I think my bra burst". And if I am not mistaken you said when it was time to leave that your bra had burst and your hair had collapsed and there was no further damage to be done on that dance floor so it was time to blow that Popsicle stand.

So funny as recently I was dancing in Mexico dancing and at like 3am the infamous Grease medley comes on. I could never even possibly attempt to describe how very surreal it is to still be dancing to those very songs in a different country with the same abundance of enthusiasm as ever coming from the dance floor after all these years. And then if that Grease connection is not enough, just last weekend Richard was saying how horribly miscast that movie was - ummm helloooo that is why it is so freaking awesome! Plus I don't care who says it, what critic at what time - Stockard Channing is Rizzo.

Bonus memory --- all those nights dancing at Avalon, remember Wes? How perfect was he! My favorite bartender and he made the best cocksuckers!

That's the Wonder of You

So in case any of you are wondering - here is a pic of me in Hollywood last weekend on the Hollywood Blvd Walk of Fame with the closest brush I have ever had with anyone famous there. Granted he is dead, not real and chained to a convenient store - but hell I was excited!

Summer of Love

Peace loving, war hating, march demonstrating, tie dye wearing hippy.

Paula - you are the grooviest cat I ever did see!!!

Bad Things

I am normal and want to do good things. I am not bad. I do not kick dogs, steal things or gossip about people. I do however make bad decisions. I want to make good decisions that will lead me onto a path that is good but I fall short sometimes. Sometimes I forget the bad things that resulted from bad decisions. It is like when I had surgery in my 20's. I remember it was extremely painful but I do not remember the exactness of the pain. I believe it is a mechanism that is built into people so that they can go on. The good things become great in your memory and the bad things, well they can become rosey too. I try to look for the real. I want to be of this world but it seems so other worldly to me. I laugh and smile and it is all truly good but is it real. Just a little confused today, perhaps better said just a little more confused today. Some people seem to have the secret and hold the key but do they? I dunno. Guess if I did I would not be babbling on like this.

That is Right Leslie

It has come to my attention that Paula feels I have "awful" taste in music and that I need to post some 60's stuff.
You have thrown down the gauntlet and I whole heartedly accept your challenge!
This without a doubt is the most perfect place to start our journey. Enjoy the ride.

PS Paula if you have any pics with you hair in this same style then it is absolutely MANDATORY that you show them to me the next time I am in town!
Love you.

Happy Independance Day!

It Really Is All the Same

On 06.30 I saw David Sedaris in San Diego. I got the ticket ages ago. The show was supposed to be last October. I did not have much going on at the time I had heard about it and thought that it would be interesting so I got a ticket. Because of the fires the show got postponed. As I was driving to the show Monday I was thinking – why I am I going to see this -- and honestly the only thing I could come up with was because I did not want to waste my money. The moment had kinda passed.

Anyway I walked into Copley Symphony Hall and immediate thought, “Finally”. It was the first nice theater I had seen in San Diego and it was not nice but outrageously beautiful! As my eyes drifted down from the ceiling, I noticed that I was swimming in a sea of Barnes and Noble quasi literati --- ummm so not my crowd. I though to myself that it was still all good though as it is wise to step out of your element. I know I can make conversation with anyone so thought too it was a great way to hone my skills.

I was seated next to a very nice gay couple who were just a tad older than me. They were from La Jolla and very pleasant, perhaps a bit too pleasant but still pleasant. I could not help but think this is the gay couple that we were supposed to turn into – ah slight change of plans. Their names were Brent and Steve and the horrendous name similarity merely added to my slight feeling of shortcomings.

Our talk was of course pleasant although I did see their eyes glaze a bit as I told them the theater was built in the 20’s as a movie theater, massively renovated in the 80’s and recently a bit of upkeep done all by the same company out of LA. I can’t help that I get excited knowing shit like that so I think everyone else does too. Of course then I did it. I was not being mean, I swear, but they told me about their subscription and all types of high brow adventures so I asked them if they had heard that Rancid was coming to SOMA because I keep thinking it is gonna be a great show. Kym gets that but for most you others SOMA = AXIS, if AXIS still existed. Again I swear I was not being mean. I just like to play sometimes – c’mon Michelle help me out here.

Well as it turns out Brent and Steve had no plans to go see Rancid but said they would consider it based on the fantastic look that came over my face as I talked about it. It was especially kind of them to say but I still thought to myself that maybe I should have grown outta this music thing ages ago like everyone else and perhaps it is a bit juvenile of me.

So feeling still a tad outta place and then David comes out and does his readings. Very appropriate ones – especially to the area and I enjoyed it a lot. I was not in hysterics, just mildly amused and enjoying his queenie humor and wit. I did find out though that I have a rock and roll clap not a literary reading clap. I am ok with that.

David goes on to do not one but two bits about flatulence. The whole house, including Brent and Steve ROARED with laughter. These two bits were the high point of David’s program and yet he was joking about his Greek grandmother and also some flight attendants - farting. I thought, my 5 year old niece loves fart jokes too. There is simply nothing funnier to her. Just hearing an adult say the word fart and she dies. Of course knowing this always compels me to shout, “Fart, Fart, Fart!” when I see her. I love her and she loves that I am the only adult she knows that says the word fart all the time.

Anywho back to my story.

As I looked over to see Brent and Steve drying tears from their face from laughing hard over fart jokes it clearly dawned on me – I am glad I am not over anything, juvenile or otherwise. So you keep laughing at farts and I will keep singing and dancing to all my 80’s bands along with any other terrific bands that have come along since. That is what is all about - isn’t it? Time is short so enjoy what you enjoy.
Thanks for the great night Brent and Steve and oh yeah it was me that cut that cheese :)

Avalon

A friend just turned me on to this song. I can't help it but it is stuck in my head and my cd player. So do me a favor -- turn up the volume, click play and SHAKE UR ASS! I swear it will make you feel good and also put a huge smile on my face.

Perfection

So I spent 7 years of my life trying to live up to someone else's idea of perfection. Funny on a couple points. First, I thought that if I could live up to his idea of perfection then I would make him happy and in turn myself. Flaw with that was he could not even live up to his insane ideal of perfection so no way could I. Instead of perfection I obtained frustration.

Second, as I thought about it, it did not start there - that was just the pinnacle. It has always been important for me to live up to other's needs. Accomplishing that would make them happy and thereby please me. There is a flaw there too because although it would please them and myself to a certain degree - to a larger degree it would make me just feel frustrated because many times I would pass up what I wanted to do.

All this comes down to is that I can't do perfection. I am flawed but isn't that the human condition? It hurts me to let people down. It hurts me to disappoint people. But I cannot be so hard on myself. I am not malicious. I am not cruel. It is just that I am not perfect. I know many people love me anyway, it is difficult for me to be comfortable with that. It does not mean I do not appreciate it or that I am not aware of it. So if I have disappointed any of you - I am sorry, truly --- as would anyone be that really cares about someone else.