I was so stressed out and miserable on Wednesday. I truly was at my wit's end. The only bright spot of the day was the thought that when I got home I could have a shot of vodka and two Vicodins and when I got home, that is exactly what I did! Sometimes I just cannot make sense of this world and just don't feel like I am or ever was cut from the cloth to be in it. Well as I thought about it, a major point of my stress is my cell phone. Honestly it barely every rings and that bothers me. And truthfully, although I love texting, 95% of texts I get are simply responses to texts that I sent. I know those statements are full of self pity and I know that people are busy but it still bugs me. In addition there is one person that is causing me stress right now and his messages are very upsetting and distracting to me.
All that being said, I decided to go today without my cell phone. I purposely left it in my house as I went off to work. I thought I would go crazy without it, although I am old enough to remember life without cell phones and the world revolved just fine. It turns out that I had a great day! I actually felt relaxed and focused and stress free. I feel bad as he is a good guy but again I did not just leave it home to ignore him I just did not want the distraction in general of my cell phone and the benefits were immediate. It will definitely be in my house again tomorrow.
Although light hearted, at work I am very serious. I had a confidential discussion with my boss and apologized for not being focused for the past week or so. I know I do a good job even at sub par focus but it is just not my style. I told him I enjoy and appreciate my job and acknowledge my lower efforts as of late and have take steps starting today to decrease the amount of my distractions. He appreciated my honest discussion with him and I know he appreciated the immediate difference in my performance. Sometimes I want the world to stop and this one step is one of the few things that I can do to at least slow it down a bit - since as you know from my previous posts that damned button I thought would freeze eveyone in the world was broken.
I had a a lot of self pity for myself yesterday. I know everyone is busy but somedays it is just impossible to count my blessings. Today as I walked at lunch, without my phone, I felt a sense of calmness and was able to count my blessings. I know people are busy but waiting on my phone was maddening. Also whatever happens I will take care of on my time. If there is an emergency back east, really what can I do? I can't drive over and help. Also it made me think less of him and allowed me to deal with him on my terms and not his. I live my life in 5 blocks so what is going to happen to me? And actually believe it or not, Escondido still has payphones - how vintage and quaint LOL. We will see what happens for the weekend. I think that when I leave to do errands or go to class, I will leave it behind. I do not think my cell phone is evil but I feel so relaxed after a stress free day. I am not sure why I did not think of this before.
No comments:
Post a Comment