Where There is a Will

I love Will Young - I just adore him and have written about him plenty before on this blog. He just is perfect in every way - looks, talent, attitude. I mean I crossed the USA then the Atlantic alone just to see him live. It was difficult for other reasons and yet I am so glad I did. I knew he was gonna be on Am Idol yesterday. I was glued to my set - kinda annoyed that I was not there but that 7,000 people who have no clue as to who he is, were - however it was all good. His performance was great and I was getting such a thrill knowing that he is only 90 miles from me. Don't get me wrong - I am not having a Shaun Cassidy teeny bop crush but it is something light and fluffy that I enjoy - I am allowed.

The other night I chatted with Neelam online. I know so many special people but there is something about her. I do not see her or talk to her as often as others but there is just a special spot in my heart that she will completely fill even past my last breaths. There is a sparkle that she gave me which I will always have with me. She was going off to London to assist her father as he had a stroke. She is remarkable. I never knew the full story but truthfully it seemed the only thing he ever gave her is DNA. And yet with little notice she was on a plane. That is what I love about her - that is Neelam - simply inspiring. When I told Michelle the story of Neelam going to help her father, she said Neelam is a tank - indestructible. And I agree - Neelam is a power to be reckoned with.

Today I bumped into her online again and wished her well on her trip as I still know no matter what, it has to be difficult for her. After a very brief chat I went to a meeting. When I returned there was a voicemail on my cell phone that said, "It's Neelam calling cuz it was strange to see you online with me in England and you in California. Even stranger was that bout an hour later I saw Will Young on TV so it made my heart skip and jump many, many times. Scott - thinking of ya - often - love you."

Last night I had a smile thinking of Will so close although he knew nothing of me and tonight I have a much, much bigger smile with Neelam 5,500 miles away yet thinking of me. I love her.

Bi-Curious

I saw this deal to go in a ride in a biplane - how awesome is that!!! I took it and now have a year to schedule it. I know I will be crapping my pants the whole time and probably after it is over think, "Why the hell did I do that???" but that is so my M.O. - I am such a nervous nelly. Matt is coming soon so I asked him to go with me. Matt so kindly reminded me how we both shit ourselves simply riding the sky ride at the fair last year (you know the ride like a sky lift that goes over the fair from one corner to the other). I advised him that the majority of that fear came from knowing carnys put that ride up but he still was not having any of it. So I got my ticket and sure I will have a post this year to describe how nuts the ride was!

Continuing Collision

Here are texts after Matt read my post about Jordan below:

Matt: I never knew you and michelle had a Jordan Knight fetish LOL
Scott: I have the fetish - she has just had to endure it.
Matt: LOL well talk about six degrees of separation. LOL. Whaen I was 12 years old my mother had a good friend named Marlene who had a son Jonathan and just had a baby named Jordan and I remember being at their house in the nursery with both of them.... Their father Allan was our minister
Scott: I LOVE IT! Michelle is gonna crap her pants as well as roll her eyes! I need to update my blog - omg!
Matt: The the mother and father divorced... She moved to Dorchester and fate took over. By the way Jordan looks just like his father. LOL
Scott: I seriously cannot stop laughing - I have tears in my eyes

Isn't that awesome - I so love it - it made my weekend knowing the Jordan thread had woven its way in my friends lives without me knowing until now.

When Worlds Collide

Today is Lisa's 15th wedding anniversary. As I thought about it then it dawned on me that Tuesday was Michelle's 7th wedding anniversary. I am so thrilled for both as it makes me happy to see two people dear to me having found their happiness. But it some how then dawned on me that this past Tuesday was also Jordan Knight's 40th birthday. Michelle's anniversary is on the same day as Jordan's birthday! How I did not figure this out before, I do not know but sometimes I just love that my world works like this. Jordan Knight has been this ongoing theme for us (also read as obsession) and I have tortured Michelle with it for years. To realize that they have been tied together for all these years more than either of us knew - well that is absolute poetry.

Goodbye... I Think

Shit - I am going to have to be firmer than that.

Angel and the Demon

Angel said to me this week, “I am glad I know you because I now go to sleep with a smile on my face”. This very same week an old demon said to me, “You have shown yourself to be one of the meanest and most hurtful persons that I have ever met”. What do I do with these? I gave them both the same reply, “Thank you”. The same reply I give when I want to be gracious as I am given a strange or bizarre gift. Yet there is no good will to drop words off at and so instead they now occupy real estate in my head. There is no universal truth in this world, except perhaps in math and as they take the census, still people are not numbers. People have perceptions and that is their truth. People believe gay marriage is wrong. Other people think gay marriage is nothing to be concerned about either way. Still other people believe that gay marriage is a god given right. Which one is true? There are wars, strife, genocides and other atrocities conducted by humans that so firmly believe in their truths they are willing to do to the most extreme measures to show it’s importance.

I have been called generous, toxic, kind, mean, caring, unsympathetic, handsome, ugly, etc – the list goes on and on. Which is true? I need to look within to find that answer as looking outward is too confusing. No one outward tells me the truth – they only tell me their truth. The challenge presented to me, to all of us, is to find that from within my truth. Only I know my truths. Simpler said in these typed words than in action and motion for me. This is not a new notion but one that I have been keenly aware of lately.

Update 05 16 2010

I made this video update today. Just had the time to play around and give it a try although I am not very good with editing so it is nothing fancy. It was still difficult to do though since it is so hard to watch myself - I definitely have to work on the amounts of so's and um's as well as be a bit more poised - I mean at one point I scratch my armpit - LOL. But I kinda like it too though as I should be more aware of my outward appearance and more comfortable with it too. We shall see - perhaps if I make more in the future I can make them more exiting or fun. I am thinking spokesmodels would help out greatly!

What a Ham

Had drinks last night at the rooftop lounge at the Solomar in Gaslamp with Rick. He is so funny and such a ham. We were there for about 3 hours and just laughed the entire time. Of course I took pictures, cuz that is what I do. What a great time. It is good to be silly.

So Bad and Yet So Good

I had donuts for lunch today - OMG - how bad is that!?! They are so good though! There is this insanely yummy donut shop here in town that is open 24/7. Thank God it is comepletely on the other side of town and I do not venture over there too often. Today however I did indulge -big time - yum! Back on the wagon now.

Sometimes a moment of magic is conjured up and presto a smile appears out of thin air on your face. Perhaps it is huebris thinking at times I have so solidly figured things out but then it can't possibly be as I would never enjoy any of the mistakes. I played out the storyline before the night was over. It was not a bad one but then again not as good as the true storyline. Ah life - it is just weather. All you can do is prepare your gear and then walk out the door feeling you are prepared but truly are most relying upon fingers crossed.

It Happened Again

Click on Picture to See the Video

I have to rant about TV soon - I really have been indulging a lot lately in that sea of sedation. But that is not the point of this post. Skins is a British tv series about some high school students so you know with that combo I have been absolutely dying to see it. Well I just completed season 1 and am over the top. You have to watch this video - it is the last moments of the season and is brilliant. Out of context it will seem like the most bizarre thing - this I know for sure - but know that for the full 3 minutes and 58 seconds of this when I watched it, I cried and cried. Yes I have always loved Wild World but above that it is because I fell head over heels for Cassie - the sparrow with the broken wing of this show. I don't think I can count high enough to keep track of the number of times she says, "That's lovely" or "Oh for sure" but she is flawed and her flaws are radiant. Not only does she have her demons but she brings then straight to the dinner table each and every time she sits down regardless of who else is at the table. She is so fragile and yet set amongst her peers she is the one that is unbending. She never gives into the pressure of the world wanting and demanding to see from her what it wants to see as opposed to seeing what the truth is - even though the truth is not a happy one. She has her moments when the weight of this is crushing but it does not change anything. She cannot change for the world anymore than the world can change for her. As you watch this video (and I hope you do), I know out without the background of the rest of the show you will be thinking, "He cried over this?", but I did.