Sunday, January 31, 2010

Time

I took a breath and realized that a lifetime is nothing more than a nano second.

I Weigh 274 lbs

Nothing amazing -- little is as of late. But still moving in the right direction as this world keeps spinning. Not sure how much more gas is in the tank and have not see a sign for a gas station in miles and miles. When the time comes I guess I will just have to walk. That is the plan anyway but perhaps not - perhaps I will just stop and call it a day.

Unfortunately... Yes

Human by the Killers

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've gotta let me go

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Reminder of the True


Yesterday I had to waste my time and wrap it all up with a very sad and miserable human being. It does not make me feel weak or vulnerable to say that, although the crap was solely because they were displacing their intense, internal anger onto to me - it still took a lot out of me and made me have a crappy day.

But then I got home and opened my mailbox to be so super surprised by this greeting from my niece Jordan. Oh did it make me smile and remember the important things in life. Plus she is such a doll, she even gave me hair! I cannot wait to see her soon but I know regardless of where I am physically - I am as present as ever in all the lives of my nieces and nephews which is so much more important than a permenantly broken idividual's BS. Oh she is a peach.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

More From the 80's

Julian wanted to go out last weekend and he wanted me to meet some of his friends and his brother. It all got kinda sprung on me at last minute and although a tad nervous, I said sure as I wanted to see him. I did not ask where we were going or doing as it really did not matter. We walked into a bar/club called Porky's that I have never heard of or been to but everyone seemed nice enough. A bit of a challenge as only Julian speaks perfect English, no one else spoke any English.

It was kinda early so as we went to sit down I noticed that they were playing "Secret" by OMD and was a bit surprised to hear such an old 80's song. But I was excited as I love that song. Then came on another 80's song and another. I asked what was going on and low and behold - it was 80's night - YAY!!! And what an 80's night! Have not heard such a great night of music since Manray, wow.

Needless to say I was already in a great mood but this sent me into a super, super mood - the fun just soared from there! It was really fun and could not have been any more enjoyable. By the end of the night everyone was like when can we all go out again! Made me pleased on top of it all to make a good first impression. Made me pleased to feel like I was in time warp. Made me most pleased that J had a fantastic night too.

Trash Day

Threw out the trash today - useless and worthless pieces of shit that add nothing to my life. I thought actions like this were hard but they are not -- it is very, very easy especially since these things have not had any meaning or joy in my life for many, many years. Fuck you!

PS Yes I am mad but only for holding on to a broken record that sings the same old damned song, which is "VICTIMS" by Culture Club. See even in annoyance I can find a smile and tie it back to the 80's :)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Puzzles

I do not like puzzles. It is not that I am particularly stupid, lazy or have an exceptionally small attention span (just a moderately small one lol) but because they just do not pay off. You toil away and the answer is always lame and never lives up to the hype of the work you put into the solving of it. Plus I have found with people, most the time they like to portray themselves as an enigma because it is a cover up that there just ain’t nothing there.

I like connecting the dots. Sure people look down on it as simplistic but it makes so much more sense to me. You start at one point and journey to the next goal and as soon as you are there then it is time to move on to the next goal. The whole time leaving an imprint of your travels which always adds up to seeing a larger picture that is the real payoff and reward. Even if the larger picture is a horridly scary clown – it is all still worth the trip.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Michelle's Memories


The weekend you came here because I needed you. Thanks.


Editor's Note: Something just dawned on me. I met Michelle in 1984 - that is 25 years ago. OMG that was a blink of an eye. Regarding the post, no problem. You needed me once in 25 years and I needed you roughly about 387 times -- so you still have some to go in your column :) Even as of late your support and insight still carries me. 25 years --- god most people don't even stay married that long. Well here is to another 25 years. And if you need me at all in those next 25 years, say the word and I will be there. Thank you very much.

I Weigh 276 lbs

With no movement there is no positive spin to be had on this week but I am not surprised. I was bad about the gym this week and exercise is a key componet. I did not eat horribly so I am pleased with that but found myself on the couch this week more than I should be. It is kinda good though as I work best under pressure so part of me thinks I did this subconsciously to kick myself in the pants and get a move on. We shall see if it works.

Menudo

Here a friend is eating menudo, I told him to make a funny face. I did try some of his but was not up to getting my own. It is a spicy Mexican soup made from tripe (which is cow's stomach). It is not the ingredients that turned me off but that I am not really into soup and hardly ever eat it. Menudo is usually eaten in the morning or as a hangover cure. It was ok but it repeated on me for several hours afterward, yuck. I think I will stick with pancakes in the morning but I am always up for a new adventure.

Nice


Julian is so sweet - he is gonna give my heart a cavity. It is only empty calories but not everything in life has to be a sweeping Merchant/Ivory epic. With only one life, I will take the enjoyment as it comes. The ending will sort itself out.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I Got A New Camera

I was so upset over losing my camera, you don't even know. I really loved that camera. So I went on eBay and bought a new one of the same exact model - which is 3 years old (in electronics years that is like 60 years). My new camera is actually in better condition than my old one so I am very pleased. BUT I keep thinking does it say something about me that I had to buy the same exact model of my old camera. Just when I think I have come so far with "change", I am squarely reminded that nothing changes LOL.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I Weigh 276 lbs

Not a major accomplishment this week but a steady one and that is what I am looking for. It would be awesome to wake up one morning and be at my ideal weight however I know that is not reasonable. I want to accomplish this for real and not just in fantasy so slow and steady wins the race – although that mantra is sooooo hard to maintain in this instant gratification culture that prevails, and I will admit I am part of. Interestingly enough most of my family back east joined the gym. I was surprised by this; no actually I was shocked but pleasantly so. I gave some insight and tips and hope they really go with it. It sets up a bit of positive rivalry too that I am excited to benefit from.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

It is Not Just Me

I laugh everytime I see this commerical - I then turn every light on in the house.

Michelle's Memories

I lost my camera. I am annoyed with myself over this as it is gone for good but it did make me think of a Michelle story. Once I was in NYC and while having fun with Michelle, I forgot my camera at the Krispy Creme. I remembered about 30 minutes after we left and so we went back but it was gone, of course. Michelle took it upon herself to follow up and man did she end up opening a very impressive can of whoop ass. I mean within 24 hours she had corporate presidents on the phone, thieving employees fired and not to mention my camera back. Amazing, absolutely amazing.

I am in Love!

I bought myself a Dyson for a Christmas present and who know I could be so in love. It is awesome, fantastic, happy, happy, joy, joy. OMG am I a bit sad to be this excited over this? Really it is great - I hope this never wears off. PS Did you think this post would be about something else??? I told you Julian and I went out and had a nice night - then another one on Wednesday. There is nothing wrong with a bit of temporary happiness.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Date Night

I have known Julian for a while. I posted a pic of him here before so I will go search for it and update you. We met through mutual friends and he is very cute and there was always something I found special about him. He lives in TJ and is very young and although he pursued me I always politely declined because I could just not see anything viable for the long term coming out of it. Our age difference, complete different stages in life, our backgrounds, living in two different countries, the list goes on and on. Our paths cross a lot and we always have fun together in our group of friends – I was even Julian’s wingman on a couple occasions – and yet I finally gave in. He speaks and understands English very well so I could clearly articulate my fear and reluctance knowing that he would understand me. He told me his concerns too and that yet his interest remained, I admire people that are fearless.

We went out on Saturday and had dinner, then saw Avatar and then met up with mister and some of his friends in Hillcrest. We had a really great time – very enjoyable, relaxed and yet silly too. So strange that he lives 30 miles from where we were and yet it was such a new world for him. I had hummus for dinner and he was just beside himself intrigued over it. Mexicans just do not know what to make of hummus, although it is not an American dish it is Middle Eastern. He did try it and although he said that it was not that bad his expression on his face clearly was saying, “Oh man I wish I did not eat that.” It made me laugh. The weather was terrific that night and I was happy to walk around Gaslamp answering his questions and asking my own questions of course, as he reached out to hold my hand. It was very sincere, sweet and comforting. We both wanted to see Avatar but neither of us were too pleased with it – I might post about Avatar itself separately.

To meet up with mister, who I have not seen since before Christmas was an added bonus. He is such a good man. Julian’s English is fine. Everyone calls him “who LEE ahn” since that is how you pronounce it is Spanish but I call him “jew LEE ann” because that is how you pronounce it in English. He said he likes is since it’s different to him and he also said he feels like it gives me a special name to call him. Anyway still English is his second language so mister knowing this talked at times to him in Spanish – understanding that it is good to speak in your native language sometimes. He is thoughtful and it was appreciated. We had a lot of laughs that night. Good to go on a date – not sure what will come of it, if anything but still nice to spend time with someone that wants only to do the same with you. Julian sent a text the next day that said, “thank u for a great night, it was magic”. Hmmmmmm.

Editor's Note: I went through and found the past post about Julian - it was from 01/2009 and we met 12/2008. Also I reread this post. It is much more sedate than the date was - we did enjoy a very fun night and a lot of laughs. It was a good way to start the new year. Here is the link to the post with his pic.

http://carsonscabeza.blogspot.com/2009/01/how-cute-is-this-one.html

I Weigh 278 lbs

That is the same weight as my last weight posting 2 weeks ago. It is not shortfall as I am happy with myself that I held my ground over the two weeks of the holidays. I am pleased with that – sure coming out less would have been have better, however knowing that I am starting back at the same place I have been – well there is no complaints to be had there. I am excited too because I started using the weights at the gym. Usually I go in, put my headset on and try to become invisible. This past week a guy caught my eye but I quickly moved my attention to the machine he was using and thought I need to start doing weight machines like that – so I have incorporated them and am proud of myself for doing so. Here is a good update: My old belt did not fit anymore so I bought a new one while interviewing back in August. Cleaning this weekend I came across the old belt and it fits again, yay. My new belt is nicer because it is newer and not so worn but I am gonna keep wearing my old belt instead!

Friday, January 01, 2010

Happy New Year

Keep on Truckin' folks! That's my plan for 2010.