Yellow Shirt

I have been torn for a while now with the most difficult decision of my life. Should I return to MA to take a great business opportunity or remain here in CA and see what else lies out here for me. I have tried to make other opportunities on the work front but nothing has panned out yet. When I was in MA recently Jane said to put it out to the universe and ask for a sign and the universe will steer you. Feeling I have tried every other avenue, even the pyschic down in Seaport Village with Matt, I decided to give it a try. I told the universe that if I was meant to stay in CA because I will find my happiness here then show me a yellow shirt. Why a yellow shirt? I have no idea. I thought about it for about a day and then yellow shirt is the sign popped into my head. I told no one about my sign but I did tell Jane I picked one.

On Tuesday March 10th I sent Jane a text that said I still had not seen my sign. She replied back, "Where ever you go you will be loved". That is why Jane is so special, that is why I love the dear woman so. But no sign.

I have had ongoing discussions with my boss and had to turn in my final decision on Friday the 13th. I was exhausted and just could not speak of it any more. I have gotten to a good place in my life but mostly due to not taking risks and not facing up to my fears. Now I have walked right up to the most risky decision ever and could barely keep the fear at bay. Lily has be a love through this all. I truly do attract the most amazing people and am a better man for it. I told her the universe and sign story on the night of the 12th but did not tell her what the sign was, just that I had not seen it. She told me that I very well could have missed it and that would not negate that it happened. I so love her too. Plus how well does she know me since I could very easily buy that scenario. So I went to bed feeling good that I had missed my sign.

On Friday the 13th I at 11:40am, I walked down the hallway to my office as I had to call my boss at 11:45am and deliver my final decision. I had made my decision but saying it was terrifying to me and I was still not sure I was going to be able to do it. I mean it would be so easy to say Yes I will take this great job opportunity in MA and move back and be closer to family and long standing friends and apply what I have learned about myself in CA but it is not what I wanted. As I walked down the cube lined hallway filled with great anxiety I saw Steven, who I see about 100 times a week because of where his cube is on this hallway. He said hi and I said hi but continued my walk to my office and the task that beckoned me. As I continued it dawned on me that it was odd Steve was wearing an oxford on casual Friday and man was it bright. It was really bright I thought, it was really bright YELLOW and it hit me. Yellow Shirt, Yellow Shirt!!!!

As soon as I got to my office I got emotional thinking over and over, yellow shirt, yellow shirt, yellow shirt. I then thought damn Jane, I have this crucial call to make and have to be the most professional I ever have been in my life this is not time to be emotional. I had to get control, I had to do this, there was no changing that this decisive moment was literally about to happen. I took the deepest breath of my life.

I called my boss, he knew fully how torn I had been and was truly supportive of me during the entire process. He asked me if I had come to a decision and I replied, "Fred, I am so truly indebted to you for having supported me in my tenure, presenting me with and amazing job offer, and understanding how incredibly difficult this is for me but at this time and for the foreseeable future, I am not able to relocate back to Boston".

I did it. I put a very large and bold "The End" to an amazing chapter. I know how much work lies ahead of me starting a new chapter in such tumultuous times and although nervous beyond any other point in my life, I am excited and I am happy. But of the most importance, I controlled the fear and did not let it control me. I am in charge of my destiny and I am going to find my happiness.