Sometimes Annoying

So my life runs in circles, I have written about it before.  Usually it thrills me to no end - the connection, how it all ties together - seeing the different parts of my life intersect - it is so awesome.  For example Kym is awesome and I met her like 27 years ago at Lechmere and she knows Michael (who actually asked her out as kids) and now I live 3,000 miles away from my parents home and yet just 10 miles away from her.  That is an example of a most excellent circle in my life and I love it.  More often than not the circles are wonderful but sometimes the are just so annoying.  At my part time job there was this puke of a kid named Jacob.  I am sorry I am not perfect and there are some people I just do not like, much like I know I am not the cup of tea for many people.  He was like 20 and the best way I can describe him is as a little prick.  He played all sorts of games and I knew it but management just loved him because he got a million people to apply for a credit card and nothing else matters in retail.  Honestly you could literally tell a customer to fuck off but if you are getting millions of them to apply for a credit card then you are golden and would not have any repercussions.  So the store manager just fawned over this idiot and I knew he was up to shit and finally he got fired for playing games with the rewards program.  The store manager actually cried because since that is a security issue she had no control and had to fire him.  Because I am an ass when I saw the store manager next I said, "Jeez where is Jacob, I have not seen him in ages." knowing full well the story.  I am not above it all, sometimes I sink into the muck and have to get my digs in.  Anyway so he gets the boot and I do not miss him at all and am enjoying the store manager being bummed out her golden child getting bounced and I never have to see him again - wrong!  I got to redbox and get a movie.  It is outside a Walgreens, I never go into Walgreens, but I think to myself that I am thirsty so I go in and fuck me Jacob is working there and the only cashier.  I thought "whatever" and got my drink thinking he would just pretend not to know me but no.  He was super friendly and nice, as if he was not a total asshole to me for a year".  I was polite back, as I said I never go to Walgreens so was thinking I would not have to ever see him again - still wrong!!!!  After I finish at my part time job, I head on over to the grocery store.  I am in line putting items from my wagon onto the cash register belt and fuck me but there he is behind me.  I smile and say, "oh we met again" and he says, 'hey how is it going?".  Please God, stop the insanity as I cannot take this! BUT NO.  I go to the gas station and go into pay and FUCK ME he is in line.  He looks at me and says "hey" and I am like ok stop stalking me and he laughs although I am being serious.  This is all in the course of a week.  There are 140,000 people in my city, why?????  What are the odds???  I guess this is some bizarre test to teach me humility, not to hold grudges, be kind to my fellow man regardless, etc.  Who the fuck knows but it is annoying the crap out of me.  I will admit that each time I see him it gets less annoying and I do not dislike him nearly as much as when we worked together.  I think another lesson is to count my blessings as most the time the circles are awesome and I love them and am lucky they happen.  Fingers crossed for zero more sightings but I am not feeling that to be the case.  Eh its fine.  I will just keep being polite and let the lesson soak in. Uff.

Stuck in Oz

My Australian journey continues!  I was looking at movie titles online and saw listed Priscilla Queen of the Desert.  Other than seeing that movie in the theater when it came out in 1994, I do not think I have seen it again.  I don't usually watch movies over again but I tonight I pushed play.  I could only remember snippets plus Guy Pearce's tight body - well fit as they say in England.  I very glad I watched it again.  Their accents are difficult at times in the movie and I always watch movies with the subtitles so this go round I did not miss anything.  Very funny movie.  Man it came out 24 years ago!  How nuts.  That is totally another lifetime ago.  I feel like I saw that movie with friends but I can't remember who.  I do know in general at that time Vivian and Princess were around and boy were they taken with this movie.  Matt was around too.  He is so funny, kinda like the ringmaster of all the insanity.  He is so good, always has been.  I am still really obsessed with Josh from that Australian TV show please like me.  I hope it does something soon, another TV show or movie or something.  I miss my friends :)  

More Australians

I saw this documentary on Netflix and it has my head spinning.  A girl Alice lives in Hollywood and works on a cam site which means men pay to log on via the internet and see her on camera.  They can speak with her and she performs sexual acts for them.  This is actually a big big business on the internet.  She is not particularly attractive.  A little pudgy, huge fake books, blemished skin and really over processed blonde hair.  She also did not come off as smart or with much depth but eh she makes a living at this and earns more than enough to take care of herself.  One of clients lives in Australia.  I would guess but he and Alice are mid-twenties.  He has a job, lives alone and takes care of himself.  He said he was horribly bullied as a child and has never had a real life girlfriend.  He did not say he was a virgin but I assumed that by what he did say.  With him in Australia, and she in Hollywood, they have had an online cam relationship for four years!  It moved off of the cam site and became more regular though skype and he sent her directly all sorts of money and gifts.  She had been married for the past two years and said she loves her husband greatly.  The husband knows about her job and her special Australian client.  She is full of all sorts of BS that she truly believes because we all make our own reality.  "Oh I love my husband dearly and he will always come first but I would say I am poly-amorous".  The guy in Australia knows about the husband too, at times they even skype with each other???  I so tried to keep an open mind and not judge as not only do people make their own reality, and they also make their own happiness.  But it was just all bonkers and a facade.  Anyway the Australian guy buys a plane ticket for Alice to visit him in Australian.  She agrees and even is all giddy packing underwear, bikinis and dildos that the Australian guy bought her.  She gets there and meets the Australian guy and the illusion is utterly smashed once she goes on the other side of the looking glass.  Much to her credit she immediately sees finally that the Australian guy believes her to be his girlfriend and that they have a true relationship more profound than just transnational.  Although they have had done all sorts of "intimate" acts together on cam, they do not have any physical intimacy while together (although you could tell he wanted to).  Alice is only there a long weekend but the guy does not come as quickly to the same realization she had until she apologizes to him for holding him back and telling him that he needs know to go out into the world and have a real relationship - that he has a lot to offer and someone will be very happy with him.  In the end she was very kind to him and super sensitive.  He is chubby but good looking still plus super sincere and sweet.  He agrees that even though he enjoyed the last four years and it gave him what he needed, he does want to have a true relationship and feels the strength now to seek it.  WOW, again this show had my head spinning.  Like I said I really had to restrain myself not to judge them.  I did find her very off putting.  But that sincere and true way it ending made me pleased for holding back my judgement.  Yes it was a very unconventional path they took but where the journey lead pleased me.  Online is so strange.  Sometime people give it credit for being more real than they should and then you have those on the other side do no take it as seriously as they should.  

So Far...

Ok so here is the run down.  Fri, Sat, Mon, and Tue - no smoke.  Sun and Wed - smoke.  I paid $8 on Sunday for cigarettes and only $3 on Wednesday.  They were so cheap because I was in Mexico.  I only bought one pack and did not bring any back with me.  I have no near future plans to visit Mexico soon, I go like twice a month.  It was fun today as we say Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 in one of those lazy boy seating VIP cinemas and tickets were only $5 each!  Anyway Thursday back to no smoking and I refuse (plus can't afford) CA cigarette prices so we shall see how this goes.  Also I have noticed an immediate difference.  I already don't cough anymore and I can actually smell the flowers in the yard.  That's pretty amazing for only 4 days of not smoking.  I have also noticed though that at night time I have been eating more.  When the craving strikes it gets fierce.  I press on my patch and pace.  I am not sure if it is weird but when I pace it comforts me greatly for all sorts of things.  Sometimes it is not enough so I grab food and eat it.  Now I do not have as much food in the house and I am not going to restock it for a bit.  I won't update you daily on this but please know I am trying.

Please Like Me

I watched this Australian TV series and I enjoyed it, I think.  It is called Please Like Me and the main character is gay.  There were four seasons.  The first episode opens with his beautiful female girlfriend breaking up with him saying that the reasons are because they have drifted apart and also he is gay.  I thought ok that is a good way to begin and grab my attention.  Honestly though as I was watching the first season I was thinking why am I watching this, the main character is so mean and tries to disguise it as being funny.  Mean humor is not funny.  I did keep watching though because I was intrigued they were in Australia and Australians.  It never really says where they live and I don't know Australian cities enough to guess from the scenery.  I just kept watching to learn more about Australians.  It was difficult though as I have no way of judging if it was a real depiction of Australian life or not.  For example - when Friends was on, it was not remotely realistic in its depiction of Americans living in NYC.  The apartment alone, do you know how much that would have cost?  So for this show I kept looking at their houses, accents, and words they use.  It really intrigued be but again I have no clue how close or far away they are from reality.

I did keep watching it and then he went on a blind date and the guy actually called him on his meanness. During the blind date the other guy said that he was going to go as he did not feel they would be compatible since he wanted someone nice and the main character was mean.  This startled the main character, as well as me that the show would be so bold to call him out.  The main character then thought about it and did not do a 180 but he did become nicer which pleased me.  There is also a whole group of insane background characters that made the show really interesting.  His mother was bipolar and tried to kill herself a couple times.  She was super sad but he was good to her.  He rarely gets angry with her or her actions.  He states that he understands it is an illness and who knows what awful reality in her mind she has created and lives with daily.  I thought he was very compassionate.  Judy made comments like this before and how it was harder to love a person with mental illness because of it.  I have to agree with this. I am not sure how I could do with it if a parent was bipolar.

I watched all four seasons and read that there will not be anymore.  It made me sad that the show ended but also because I feel like I lost some friends.  How weird is that right?  I asked my friend Loren if me feeling like that meant the show was good or that I am sad.  He responded, "Maybe both but the same for all of us",  How nice was that, it made me feel good.  Overall I liked the show.  I wish there would be more.  The characters were super oddballs and just doing their best.  Sometimes their best was awesome and sometimes it was awful.  It made sense and felt real for me.  I am super glad I watched it and had them in my life for a bit.

Double Down Loss

So I woke up Saturday and said, "NO smoking today!". I can do that with 100% confidence when looking at just one day.  So I did not smoke at all on Friday or Saturday, which made me very pleased.  Well this morning, Sunday, I got complacent.  I thought I can have a smoke today so I bargained with myself.  I said I could only smoke if I walked down to buy them.  So I walked down to the gas station and bought a pack.  Fuck me they are now $8 a pack since they passed a new cigarette tax law.  I get the rational of the tax but it still pisses me off.  They collect now more than $3 a pack and yet will still say things like they don't have money to have buses take kids to school or schools ask for donations of office supplies. How is that possible?  So now I am doubly mad that I smoked today and I paid $8 to do so!!!  Ufff I am definitely not smoking on Monday!