Evil

I am not sure how many people know this but I am really intrigued by serial killers. Although I my fascinated is not out of admiration - it is more the shock. I remember as a kid all the coverage of the Son of Sam (or actually the .44 Caliber Killer prior to his being caught). Then of of course there was the Hillside Strangler and the Atlanta Child murders. The biggest and most monumental was Jeffery Dahmer - that is the one that just pushed me over the edge. I do not respect them and hate how Hollywood makes the serial killer stereotype to be an unstoppable evil genius. Usually they are nothing but small men stuck in an intensely profound compulsion and routine. I am more curious over the darkness that can be in the soul of a man that could do such things. This is the part that fascinates me - how they can so strongly and vividly create their own world with no regard to the real one.

Perhaps it is residual from the really horror show at work or perhaps it is my constant questioning of whether the things I do harm myself. I tell myself otherwise but lately the darkness has been around. All the books I have been reading lately have been about the evil side of man - that side that serial killers live exclusively within. And the movies -- well I got a 2 disc DVD recently (a complete bargain for only $2.50) which had a 7 1/2 hour documentary on the American serial killer phenomenon, I was riveted. Tonight I watched the Devil (the actor's picture above is from that movie) - also about the evil choices man can make and the consequences. I normally do not like M. Night's last minute tricks but that movie just brought me completely in. It made me think about the questions already in my own mind. As well it tied nicely into what is so prominently on my mind as of late.

However all though I think about all these dark things -- it is because I know that without darkness there can be no light. Delving into this darkness helps me see and move toward the light. And whereas a sociopath seeks comfort in the dark - I like the light. I want to live there and have the power to do so.