I Found A Clown

Last Sunday I was just gripped by something - I guess boredom is the word but that does not truly sum up what it was. I woke up and just stayed in a daze all day. It was the strangest thing. My head was filled with a lot and yet there was nothing. I finally forced myself out to go get some fresh air and sunshine. I did not know where to go or what to do so I drove downtown. Once I got there I was like now what so I parked my car, walked a bit up and down Grand Ave and then sat on a bench listening to my headset. I sat there for over an hour and a half. I don't know where my head was but a couple times the horrifying thought of "old man on a bench feeding pigeons" did cross my mind. It did not compel me to move though. It was the strangest feeling and just numbing. Although it was good to relax, I was not really relaxed. Finally I pushed myself off the bench and wandered into my landlord's "antique" shop. I poked about, touching stuff, looking at the other shoppers, and kinda just meandering. I fished out of a pile this picture of a boy dressed as a clown and on the back in pencil is written, "Just as silly as I look". I don't like clowns - never thought they were funny - never even slightly enjoyed them at all but I liked this picture. Perhaps it is "This is my life isn't it?" look on his face. Perhaps is the thought that boredom is the least of my million problems so I should be happy. Perhaps it was that this clown made my sad little day.