I Found A Clown

Last Sunday I was just gripped by something - I guess boredom is the word but that does not truly sum up what it was. I woke up and just stayed in a daze all day. It was the strangest thing. My head was filled with a lot and yet there was nothing. I finally forced myself out to go get some fresh air and sunshine. I did not know where to go or what to do so I drove downtown. Once I got there I was like now what so I parked my car, walked a bit up and down Grand Ave and then sat on a bench listening to my headset. I sat there for over an hour and a half. I don't know where my head was but a couple times the horrifying thought of "old man on a bench feeding pigeons" did cross my mind. It did not compel me to move though. It was the strangest feeling and just numbing. Although it was good to relax, I was not really relaxed. Finally I pushed myself off the bench and wandered into my landlord's "antique" shop. I poked about, touching stuff, looking at the other shoppers, and kinda just meandering. I fished out of a pile this picture of a boy dressed as a clown and on the back in pencil is written, "Just as silly as I look". I don't like clowns - never thought they were funny - never even slightly enjoyed them at all but I liked this picture. Perhaps it is "This is my life isn't it?" look on his face. Perhaps is the thought that boredom is the least of my million problems so I should be happy. Perhaps it was that this clown made my sad little day.

Question...

An Impromptu Concert

I shot this video of my niece at Christmas time. She is a ham and this pretty funny but I am mostly excited that after all this time I finally figured out how to make a movie and post it - yay. I do not always get to the party first but I always do eventually get there!

Elian

Wow has Elian Gonzales changed. I remember this story so vividly. His mother died trying to get them both to the US illegally and his estranged father then wanted him returned to Cuba. He certainly looks to be a fine upstanding member of the communist party but who is to say he is worse off for having been returned. Perhaps if he was returned to his life prior to the mother trying to escape I could understand but he did not return to that life. He returned to a life of privilege. Sure the government must be using this story to their advantage but really what government wouldn't? He is only 16 and already has a face made for photos. Plus the man that wanted him back was his true and biological father. I dunno - but I do think a lot about this story. I remember clearly when customs stormed the house and took him by force in Miami and everyone was horrifed because he was so scared - of course he was, he was 6. I am sure he was just as scared when the mother loaded him on the inner tube. In the end his mother wanted a better life for him and she succeeded although not in the way most envisioned.

A Happy Change

This guy from Mo won $258 million dollars. His plans for the money? He is going to take his kids and step kids to Disney plus get his front teeth replaced. I like this story and hope it ends well. I hope the money really does help and does not mess everything up in the long run. But that he gets new teeth in and of itself is a game changer. Good luck to you big money winner!

That's Why They Call It Happy

I set up a happy hour tonight as a reunion for all of my former dept at my old company. It was met with great excitement and I cannot wait to see everyone. I know I am good at staying in touch but really the only trick I have regarding it is that I take that one extra step. Everyone thinks about things and when it happens to me I frequently do something. I make a call, send a text, mail a postcard, write a letter, put an entry onto this blog , etc. There will be plenty of smiles and laughs tonight which is what it is all about.

A Bit Confused

Confusion seems to be swirling around me today. I have not fully decided if I shall participate or disregard - perhaps a bit a both, which only makes more confusion. Swirling alongside all that is this song. I can't decide which line I like better -- "You make me go ooooo" or "We met by a trick of fate".

Attention All Wounded Sparrows

I was working on my netflix queue when it popped up that I could watch Spartacus on demand. Since I clearly have free time I thought why not, although I did not know too much about it. I started watching and totally got sucked into it. I have watched 6 of the 13 episodes so far and it is a total homo-fest. Lots of naked muscle men mixed with soap opera story lines and loin cloths, what is there not to love? Then I get an epiphany because they always come to me in the strangest of places. Literally of the cast of 100 there are only 3 female characters and the rest are men of beyond this world perfection. Of all the men I am stuck on Ashur. He is the gladiator that is wounded so cannot participate in combat. He wears a brace on his leg and has a limp. I am obsessed with him but admit he is a shady character, another story in and of itself. When he comes limping across the screen I am just transfixed. He is only a side character and I want to know more about him. I am always thinking how will this effect Ashur, what will Ashur do now, how will Ashur deal with this?

My epiphany is that I gravitate toward the sparrow with the broken wing. I don't want to fix anyone but everyone has their wounds and when they are visible then they just seem more real to me and with more character. I want to know the story. I want to help but not fix. I melt over a crooked eye. A speech impediment sends me over the moon. I really don't know what to make of all this - good - bad - indifferent??? Who knows? But in the meantime I have 7 more episodes of Spartacus to go and already looked online for spoilers to makes sure that my Archer does not get killed off.

We Will Give This a Try, Again

Once while in Boston I was all excited to be walking around the park on a great day taking pictures when suddenly my camera just locked up and froze. The camera was a gift and although it was one of the very few gifts from the ex that I actually enjoyed - I had no sentimental attachment to it, however - it was an awesome camera. I loved the size and quality and everything was just right about it. When I returned home I paid to have it fixed and they did such a good job and so quickly it was as good as new. Then I lost it. I was bummed yet again so I went on ebay and bought another of the same exact model - which they no longer sell in stores as they change models like every 6 months. My new ebay camera was a dream, just like my old repaired and lost one.

Well a couple of weeks ago I broke my ebay camera. I carry it with me everywhere, as you know, and I should use the case I have for it but instead just put it in my pocket so I cracked the screen. Disappointed all over again, I returned to ebay and now a 3rd camera of the same exact model is on it's way to me from a nice man in Texas. I keep thinking about this story because I am truly insane! I need to get over this and if I break or lose my camera now I just have to get a new one - a brand new one. I am sure the models out now are great and I would love a new one just as much but I dunno why I am like this. Think about it - my car was totaled so I got a new one of the same exact kind. I lost my bluetooth so I bought another of the same exact one (and of course I then found my lost one). My phone broke so I got the second version of the same one I had. When something is good, I like holding on to it.

Sure I go out and have new experiences all the time but truly I just love the comfort of the familiar. I do not see this as a bad thing as it does not hinder me from trying new things but I am soooo a creature of habit. Ok folks this is the very last of this same exact model phone - I promise, mabye lol.

Oh No... I Saw This Movie!

This year is my 25th year high school class reunion. I was talking with Jane, who is always a delight. We were joking about the reunion when I asked if she would go with me because she loves those things. She of course jumped at the idea and even said she would wear leather. Then it dawned on me - I went to my prom with a platonic female guest. OMG- nothing has changed in 25 years. I should be a tad sad over that but the glorious thought of Jane in leather is overriding any negative. Is this really how Pretty in Pink Part II would be written? I guess if it was then it could not be any more humorous.

Song Stuck In My Head This Week...

When I met you in the restaurant

You could tell I was no debutante

You asked me what's my pleasure

A movie or a measure?

I'll have a cup of tea and tell you of my dreaming

Dreaming is free

I don't want to live on charity

Pleasure's real or is it fantasy?

Reel to reel is living rarity

People stop and stare at me

We just walk on by - we just keep on dreaming

Dream dream, even for a little while

Dream dream, filling up an idle hour

Fade away, radiate

Jane Says...

I don't know where she gets them from but as long as I have known Jane she just comes up with the best sayings. Really I have told her so many times we need to write them all down and put out a book. I know it would be a best seller. She came out with this one the other night which I have never heard before:

"Remember you do no wrong when you are with the right person"

I love Jane!

Eureka!

Ok so the story of Mr. Gold Shoes continues - of course you just knew it was going to, didn't you? As I said I would, I went out on this past Friday but specifically in hopes of seeing him again after my crushing faux pas of losing his number. Honestly I had to really talk myself into going because I was so afraid of being disappointed. Well I was disappointed. He was not there and my friend that works there, Jorge, had not seen him and so with a deep sigh I thought to myself, "Oh well. Now what?". The only viable thing that came to mind was vodka shots so I indulged. By midnight I was bored but driving was not a good idea so I went to another place.

At this new place I was very blah and moved onto water. That is when I noticed Manuel, a big handsome bear. I was not over the top excited but only because I was having trouble putting my disappointment aside. I did however go up to Manuel, introduced myself and we talked for a long time. He had lived in TJ before but now lives and Sonora - which is far. He manages a Sam's club and is being transferred up here at the end of the summer. He was super nice, very easy to talk to and great on the eyes but mostly I was enjoying the terrific company.

When the place closed he walked me to go get a taxi and we ended up on a bench talking for about an hour and a half. We swapped numbers and on Saturday I messaged him to thank him for the company and say it was great to meet him. We texted for a bit and then made plans to hang out again on Sunday. Sunday came and again it was great with Manuel. He company pleased me greatly but on Monday I knew he was getting on a plane to go home so I just kept it at that.

Somehow we ended up on the same bench again as I was preparing to go home when I got a text from Jorge saying that he found Omar (the real name of Mr. Gold Shoes). My eyes lit up. Is this sounding like a really bad chick flick or what. Like I say I was getting ready to go so I was outta there. I went to the club and found Jorge and as he pointed out where Omar was, Omar then looked at me and had a huge smile. Jorge was like, "go on, go on!". Jorge is such a fantastic guy and terrific friend. I went on over and apologized profusely for my stupidity in losing his number. He apologized for wear his brown shoes - such a wicked sense of humor.

We just picked right back up - we talked a lot - we laughed - we danced and I told him I was so happy to see him and he told he was happy I found him. He is super affectionate - a lot of hand holding and hugs and sincerely warm smiles. I think he smiles more than me. I naturally put his number into my phone - he put mine into his and I even sent a message and it worked perfectly. He is going a way with weekend to the desert in CA - he told me this the first night I met him. I asked if I could see him when he returned and he told me I better! It will be more fun.

I am not too sure about fate but I do know that kismet comes around my life very often. Plus I made this happen -- well not the initial meeting him or meeting another super guy along the way. I will admit that it has made act silly and like a schoolgirl but everyone is entitled sometime. True enought though - me acting like a Molly Ringwald character is a tad goofy - oh well then I am goofy, so be it. I know I will see Omar again - and I will definitely stay in touch with Manuel and perhaps see him again too. In the long run what will be will be and I am very ok with that. What has me super goofy though is the reminder that I am attractive and enjoyable to others. I forget a lot of things and seems to always forget that important thing so being reminded of that made me walk on clouds today. Here is to the future - let's all cross our fingers!

PS The first photo is Manuel and I. The second photo is Omar (Mr. Gold Shoes) from last night - he makes silly faces for the camera but trust me he is handsome.

Rick's Art

Mister made this with some app on his phone. I was taken by the graffiti, Keith Haring effect and had a million questions. Why is your heart walking away? Is it walking away or returning to you? What is its destination? It is so full, what is it full of? His response: "You are reading way too much into this" :)

An Easter to Remember

I hope you all had a terrific Easter. After Friday I had a very relaxed weekend. I saw a lot of great movies and was happy to kick back. I decided to run to the grocery store today and as I was driving there I was speaking with my mother to wish her a Happy Easter and hear all about her day. As I sat at a red light my car was rocking very noticibly back in forth. I was very confused by it and thinking, "Is my car acting up or is it that windy?". I opened the window and although there was wind it was not tremendous nor was my car making noises, so I was confused. When I got to the grocery store it all be became clear. There were items all over the aisles and people were chattering about. Turns out that was a 7.2 earthquake down in Baja. It was only the second earthquake I felt ever so it totally did not even dawn on me that is what it was -- soooo odd. Everything is ok and fine. What and experience though! Jane joking said that it is because there are so many heathens out here that what better day to suck up CA and send us all to hell. She is funny and I have to agree!

Cinderfella

I have been in decompression for a month now and counting my blessings while enjoying sides of me that I have neglected for a bit. I been going out to take pictures, getting exercise at the beach and going to the theatre too. I like my life but at times get stuck in the wrong areas of it. It is all balance though. It does not mean I can never go out so this past Friday I figured it was time. I thought it would be a fun night of people watching, having some drinks and talking with friends. Of course because I was not expecting to meet anyone new, well twenty minutes after getting there I met Omar. Indeed he is both handsome and very sweet. He was hanging with some friends and introduced me to his friends right away and they were all kind too. We chatted and laughed and danced.

What got me most and moved this into something special was that he had on shiny gold pumas and I loved them! He was dressed in just dark blue jeans and a fruit of the loop v neck t-shirt. His clothes were clean and nice, not work clothes or anything but they were so self unassuming and perfectly real that I was impressed how well he worked them. Reminded me that it is how you wear it not what you wear. A good lesson to remember. But there were those gold pumas - like the spectacular finale at the 4th of July fireworks! I told him that he looked great but I could not stop looking at his shoes because they were perfection on him. I mean no one else there had on gold shoes and if there was a line up he would probably be the last one I would pick that would, so it thrilled me to see he was. After I told him I loved his shoes he shouted, "We are golden!". I thought I was going to fall right on the floor. All the synapses in my brain fired at once - it literally is the closest I have ever come to an anurism. "We are golden", was the single off of Mika's last cd. I know I have mentioned Mika here before. He is a British pop singer that I adore. I have seen him live three times in LA and once in Boston. I enjoy him very much but he is not that well known in the states and even less know in Mexico. The fact that he made that reference, that I got the reference, and that he knew I got the reference -- it made a fantastic smile for us both.

Well we continued to drink, and talk and dance and laugh. Also, you know I had my friend make sure they played Mika which they normally don't. During the night Omar wrote down his number and asked me to call him. Normally I swap numbers but instead I put it into my pocket and told him eagerly, "No worries I will be calling". At closing time he had me walk out with him and his friends. We chatted outside for a small bit then I parted to go my way. As I did leave he reminded me to call him. As I looked back, I only replied with an enormous smile.

The next morning I went looking for his number so I could put it into my phone. I reached into my pocket and I had nothing. I looked everywhere. I checked all over my car and took everything out of my pockets even everything out of my wallet and nothing. I cannot believe it but I lost the number. He gave it to me in the middle of the night so I must have reached into my pocket to either get money or my lighter and maybe it came out too and fell on the floor. I wanted to kick myself but what can I do? I did not think to give him my number because I knew I would call him. I can't believe it - ugh. I did ask my friend Jorge, who works there to give him my number if he see him. Jorge has an excellent eye and memory so if Omar goes there again Jorge will take care of it. I think I might go next Friday and the hopes that perhaps he shows up again but other than that - no happlily ever after together to this fairytale. I just have my pics of the night and delight when I see those gold shoes.

There is a negative in this story but I am not going to dwell on it. I will do the two things I can think of to find him and if not that's ok, it has to be. I had a great night. I was super happy and not expecting anything of that night other to kick back and relax and enjoy and I certainly did that. Oh Cinderfella, where are you? I hate Disney LOL.