Hiatus

Hello - I am back although I don't know where I have been.

Guess it all surrounds the topic of clarity or more to the point the lack thereof. There has been many upbeat and cherished moments as of late but then curiosity stuck with the intensity that I am prone to and I looked at the ex's info on line. It was all very mundane and a tad puerile but what it did was allowed him back into my consciousness and I went from clarity to murky. It was corrosive acid to my foundation that I have been so diligently repairing and working on refortifying. It leads to the larger question of why can't I let go because again this is not the only example in my life, it solely is the zenith example in my life. In my therapy I work on themes in my life that are so troubling. It is serious business and I have pushed myself to areas with my counselor that I have avoided at all costs with everyone, especially myself. So many laughs I have given to many people in life - so many good times, no great time and yet on occasions I have seen tears well in the eyes of my counselor. I know I am not singular in my experiences - pain is true and real for everyone but it just runs truer and more real than most are aware.