I had such a strange dream last night. They say you dream every night but I rarely remember mine. It strikes me as odd when people tell me about their dreams as I can't really get that point of view from my own experience. But on the other hand I do daydream quite a bit. I can't even tell you how many music videos I have made, blissful romances I have experienced, or grand fetes that I have enjoyed all in my daydreams, but I am getting off topic.
My dream last night was very vivid and I will tell you all the points that I recall even though I do not know how they all tie together but this is how it goes --- Judy I both knew the actor that plays the male lead in the TV show Bones. I don't know why we both knew him but we both know him individually and not because of each other. And we knew the actor not the character he plays on Bones. The three of us were at a bar and decided to go to a restaurant. Judy had something to do so she left and was going to meet back up with us at the restaurant. As he and I walked to the restaurant he put his arm around my shoulder and it was very comforting to me. When we got to the restaurant we had to walk up a flight of wooden stairs and he let me use his arm to keep my balance which made me feel secure. Then while waiting for our table he put is arm around my waist and talked with me and it made me feel super happy and intimate but not sexual. One other part that was super clear was that he was wearing a hunter green argyle sweater that was super soft and warm. I then woke up and feel so terrific, very comfortable and comforted. A truly pleasant, wonderful feeling.
I told Kym about it and she right away said she thought it was because Matt is coming to visit soon. That makes a lot of sense as I adore Matt. His presence is so calming and enjoyable but I have never felt anything sexual for him. He is tremendous. I feel very grounded when he is around and also secure. I have a lot of quirks and oddities and there is never any judgement, he just takes them all in stride. Sometimes when I walk in circles he will just say, "Relax Ruby it is ok" or he will give me what I am looking for even though I did not say I was looking for anything, or he will laugh in a supportive way, if that makes sense. One time Judy said to me that when people have said to her to just get over something that it does nothing to help help her. I totally get that. It does not help me either. I can't really see how it can help anyone but my point is that Matt does not make feel like "just get over it", he makes me feel more like "you will get through this and I will still be here however you do". I greatly appreciate that. That makes sense and helps me so much more.
When I was younger I experienced a lot of vile and violent episodes. They over developed my sense of fear, which was good back then as it provided protection for me however that heightened sense of fear stayed with me. I still live with it and have to regularly focus on keeping it in perspective. I am a very, very fearful person. I fret and worry often because of it. I do my best not to let it burden others so often people are surprised when I tell them that about myself. This all gets me back to my dream. That actor is handsome but I never thought much about him before, although I do enjoy that show. In the show he plays a very protective and masculine character. He provides security and strength and I think that is why he popped up in my dream. I have never looked for anyone to take care of me but have always sought security. Growing up I became very resilient and resourceful to take care of myself but sometimes you just want someone there to support you when you don't have all the strength to do so. Someone that allows you to fall apart and then helps pick up all the pieces. That is comfort to me.
For someone that does not dream often, this dream really got to me. It has been in my mind all day and as I prepare to go to sleep again, it is still very vivid to me. Funny that my rare night time dream has now become fodder for my many, many day dreams.